Antares Cryptos

Unbreaking The News

2012-02-24T22:44:00.002-02:00

The Dystopian Times February 2212 Edition
Breaking News:

Another Outbreak of Mass-Panic
"We wanted to keep people in a healthy state of fear, but we are still adjusting doses of the government issued Perplexor TM," explained Brian vonNut, PharmCity official.
Read less here.

Escalation of the Bean Wars
The State of New Cucumber has declared war on Mesopotamia in an effort to find the last coffee bean on earth.

Healthy People Under Attack
Pro-aging groups are demonstrating for their fundamental right to experience illness.

Other News
Construction of the DeathStar has ceased due to budget cuts.

Owner of Chihuapoodle reunited with her beloved pooch after 80 years. "I have no idea how he got into the cryogenic chamber," stated relieved 182 year old Ethel Bimbrack.

Senator Bombastic still denies climate change as he paddles to work.

LaLa, the world's most successful singer recently released her new album "Humming just one note for 61 months".

Science News
Startled scientists discover that the Andromeda galaxy will collide with the Milky Way much faster than previously calculated. Possibly. In 3 billion years. Or so. Give or take 1 billion years. Maybe.

The Antares Teleportation Agency

2012-02-17T04:01:00.001-02:00

At the Antares Teleportation Agency we seek to provide excellent customer service to anyone who needs to get somewhere instantaneously.

Late for work? Need a vacation but cannot take time off? Dissatisfied with poor spaceline travel, long wait times at spaceports and cancelled flights due to space storms? Has your luggage been sent to a different galaxy, yet again? Have you returned with an extraterrestrial parasite? Has the FTL drive malfunctioned and your grandchild returns older than you?

Then welcome to the Antares Teleportation Agency. We use star-powered teleportation units to disintegrate you at your original location of origin and reassemble your molecular information at your destination of choice. Imagine the possibilities that we offer:

You could be here for your lunch hour:

Rainforest Botanical Garden, Brazil

Explore ancient ruins during a day trip and return to your own bed at night:

Ta Prohm Temple, Cambodia

Unique adventure destinations for those "extra-special" people in your life are also available upon request.

Special discount rates apply to teleportation commuters.

Why wait? Life is infinite, teleportation is instant.

We accept payment by thought, DNA patent and local planet currency.

Three Second Story

2012-02-08T09:54:00.000-02:00

Saw this challenge of writing a three sentence story at dbs, who created an ominous but engaging piece of writing in three sentences. Thought I should give it a go:

Man ponders bridge.
Man crosses bridge.
Man gets to other side.

Your turn.

When Animals Talk Funny.

2012-02-04T21:25:00.001-02:00

I suppose when nature gives you quills that embed themselves in flesh, you can startle off predators with THE VOICE:

I had to check as I initially assumed this was fake, apparently they really do sound like they have inhaled helium or are auditioning for a cartoon.

There Is Something Wonderful About Blogging

2012-01-29T00:03:00.001-02:00

Several posts about social media were supposed to precede this one. Then life happened. In hindsight, if I could have predicted certain events, 2011 would have been one of the worst years to start a blog. A year later, I am somewhat surprised that this blog is still here.

Blogs are (as we all know) time-consuming. Everyone blogs for their own personal reasons, I can only write about my own experience as a "hobby blogger". Blogging does not offer the same relaxation or benefits that some of my other hobbies or passions do. In my case, painting, reading and writing. They are mostly solitary activities and are not intended to be shared. I do not sketch or write into my journals thinking about submission or publication. They simply offer a diversion and the enjoyment of creating something for myself.

Blogging is different. It is meant to be shared. Publicly.

Blogging was not on my list of "things to do". It seemed like a huge waste of time; I am not promoting anything, I was not looking for on-line friends nor am I one of the digital natives, who is willing to trade privacy for social media.

I was aware of the stats related to compensation through blogging. Less than 10% of bloggers earn any remotely significant revenue through their blogs. An even smaller percentage are able to rely on blogging for their full-time income and those are usually tech bloggers. The only way I was going to join the blogosphere (beyond commenting) is to treat it as a new hobby and have fun.

Personally, the most challenging part was that the posts that I had planned to write took too much time and I had to get used to the idea that I was publishing unfinished and unedited posts. In the absence of time, I frequently thought of returning to commenting, but instead posted cat videos. *Ahem*. No one told me blogging was going to be addictive.

I think that it goes beyond having fun and reading shared experiences. I have heard the term "social evolution" being applied to our new digital age. We are communicating across all boundaries, forming friendships with people whom we will probably never meet, but that are no less genuine. (For a recent post on virtual friendships see Vinny C.) This particular aspect of social media breaks all demographic barriers.

Our backgrounds, place of origin, age-groups, gender and/or level of education are virtually irrelevant. It is our thoughts, opinions and writing that matter. Within moments any of us is in the company of writers, thinkers, artists, poets, scientists, humorists etc. as suits our needs and schedules. There is an unspoken mutual respect for acknowledging individual copyright or ideas. In this particular community, I have yet to encounter the lack of tolerance for diverging opinions that I sometimes come across in other social media platforms. If this is social evolution, I want to be an active participant.

Thank you for visiting. Nice to meet you all.
And zere ya go.

Eulogy For Spawn. The Cat Who Did Not Like To Be Touched.

2012-01-20T07:47:00.000-02:00

Source: Wikipedia

Spawn was one of Terry's gifts. His history was unknown, except for the fact that he was too aggressive to remain in adoption for long and had been returned to the rescue group.

We speculated that he was likely a purebred Maine Coon that had failed to meet the personality expectations associated with the breed. Spawn was the most beautiful cat that I have ever owned or was owned by. He was black, long-haired, lion-maned, big with large tufted paws and green predatory eyes. He somehow managed to make any posture look regal.

Unfortunately his beauty was only fur-deep. He was deceptively friendly, would greet everyone, invite being petted by rubbing against legs, hands and heads, until he would deliver one of his bone-scraping bites. The predictably unpredictable sequence of events was nudge, pet me, purr, *CHOMP*...Emergency room. Repeat. New visitors, drawn to his beauty, would be met at the door by a stern and well-rehearsed: "don't touch him, he bites". I felt an odd sense of camaraderie when I discovered that the writer and artist Neil Gaiman was dealing with similar feline issues.

For a while I considered Spawn my animal whispering failure. The biting did not stop. His idea of playing with the other cats was to chase them off his favorite furniture, then ignore them. His other hobby was stealing and shredding their toys.

He liked human company and he would always join us on the couch to sleep through a movie. It took some time for me to realize that while I was trying to socialize and train him, Spawn was asserting his own personality and training me. What he was clearly trying to tell me was:

"Alright, human. Here's the deal. My ancestors used to set sail with the Vikings, hence the water-resistant fur. Notice the big paws? They were made for walking on the snow. Got some Siberian from my mother's side.
All this incessant absent-minded stroking of fur is aggravating. Try it on the bimbo calico in the next room. She lives for that sissy stuff.
When I roll on my back, it is because I am happy or hungry. It is not an invitation to rub my belly. How would you like that?
Yeeahh. Didn't think so.
Gotta stay in shape though; you throw a ball, I'll fetch it for ya'.
There's a squirrel that needs my attention. You're dismissed."

I shall miss my majestic untouchable beast.

If Cats Ruled The World

2012-01-14T20:56:00.000-02:00

We would live in colonies without hierarchy.

There would be no wars. Only the occasional posturing, hissing and growling.

Our mothers would teach us to play with our food.

The Olympics would include: Short-distance rolling, endurance napping and target grooming.

There would be no catnip doping scandal.

The government would offer cuddling rebates for energy efficiency during the winter.

Everyone would be responsible for their own waste disposal: Don't forget to dig, deposit and cover.

Vacuum cleaners would be banned due to noise pollution.

China would manufacture high quality bottle caps, string and other battable objects.

['battable': See Revised Cat Dictionary]

We would get to play with new kittens several times a year for early human training, behavioral conditioning and educational purposes.

I have to go. My master just purred my name.

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T15:56:00.000-02:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012

Wishing everyone a happy New Year and a year of good health, success and happiness.

I am not sure what it means, but apparently it's the Year of the Dragon. I like dragons.

2011: Small Good Things

2011-12-26T07:00:00.002-02:00


Southern Lights (Aurora Australis) by Astronaut Ron Garan

The human mind has a tendency to focus on the negative things that have happened to us. Memories of traumatic events are more deeply formed than the positive ones. Science blames the hippocampus for ensuring that we recall bad events. An adaptive mechanism to prevent these events from reoccurring in the future. One dwells and reviews images of a poorly edited movie, which rely on perception provoked by negative emotions rather than factual memories.

The positive events are mundane in comparison. We take repetitive stability for granted. The human mind does not think about "it could be worse", but is dissatisfied that "it could be better" and is not. Such is the human condition.

I attended a series of mind-opening and -altering lectures, during which a gifted professor introduced me to the concept that the quantum path not taken might be the alternate path we would not want to be on. In simple terms; the bad things that did not happen to us. If we were to keep track of them, we would quickly realize just how fortunate we are. He listed a few examples and I was inspired to do the same.

It helps that I am a compulsive list maker and keep a (somewhat sporadic) writing journal. Writing a Proustian list of aggravating and disappointing events is easy. Writing a list of the pleasant moments takes a little effort; the "small stuff" is so easily forgotten.

The 2011 list of random small good things:

1. I started a blog. Glad that I did.
2. I met some incredible people in the blogosphere and am impressed by the quality of writing. I have come to think of many of you as my geographically challenged "friends", although I still think it is strange that I am communicating with people whom I have never met. I am working on that.
3.Then again, I had a fascinating conversation about art and science with a complete stranger in an art gallery.
4. I bought art supplies, books and journals.
5. I bought other things, but this list is not about "stuff".
6. Nothing unreasonably heavy fell on me.
7. Nothing unreasonably large ran me over.
8. Someone I was not particularly fond of has retired.
9. Spawn is taking his medication and I still have all of my digits.
10. Sharing hilarious moments with HQ, my friends and select relatives.
11. Had an argument with someone about a scientific theory when he walked into a mailbox, which I used to prove my point. And it was not "Hrunmpf!" Still laughing.
12. Living with a circus troupe of feline entertainers.
13. Finding lost treasures while organizing.
14. Finding pebbles, leaves and interesting things while hiking.
15. Watching birds and other wildlife.
16. Watched a group of fat squirrels put on weight for the winter, this amuses me on an annual basis.
17. Learning something new.

The list is long. Life is short.

Best Wishes Most Welcome

2011-12-17T01:39:00.001-02:00

Rationally, I am aware that changing the calendar year is merely arbitrary. A useful way to keep track of future dates and appointments.

Irrationally, I am happy to see it go. Yes, 2011 has been an unpleasant year of clusterflocks and bizarre sequences of unfortunate events. Rather than take probability and coincidence personally, I shall blame all of the world's and my personal problems on a year; 2011, go find yourself!

I am mentally prepared for a universe of entropy. HOOWEEEEEVER, I was not provided with any instructions or disclaimers that 2011 would be the year that entropy would select me as its unwilling recipient.

It appears to be a global occurrence. Bad things have happened to too many people this year, whether virtual or real. We noticed. No thanks. Please return to sender. I suspect that some of this is due to the contagious spread of negative economic and environmental news.

Recently, too much of my time has been spent keeping whitecoats on their toes and struggling to keep my inner Sheldon Cooper at bay. I have been busy working on my exciting new project tentatively titled: "How to introduce and extract cooperative non-human (Felis catus) into a sterile environment without attracting attention." It should be a bestseller.

To all my friends and fellowers:

I wish you all a restful holiday season, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, Happy anything that you are or are not celebrating and a Happy, healthy New Year.

Best Wishes to you and your families and a peaceful, happy and healthy 2012.

See you next year.

Future Mode Of Transportation

2011-11-30T01:37:00.000-02:00

One could argue that the military is responsible for the development of the mobile technology (from mobile phones to computers), that we have come to depend upon. Since this access may soon turn Orwellian in nature, I thought it would be prudent to show potentially new modes of public transportation, courtesy of passionate human engineering.

Battlefield 3 is a video game that allows for the singular exploration of all vehicles made available by some of our most advanced territorial technologies. Thought their ad was clever:

Update: I am still reading and enjoying your blogs, but am unable to comment for now. I do read and appreciate your comments though.

Technical Difficulties

2011-11-22T05:00:00.001-02:00

Dear Readers,

We are currently experiencing technical difficulties.
Negotiations with hardware squatters have been reduced to four letter words.
We shall respond to much appreciated comments when more extensive vocabulary resumes.
Please rest assured that our CEO is standing by with a hammer in the event that negotiations fail.
We look forward to visiting your blogs again.

Please join us for a complimentary illusory nostalgia session on the topic of wood cabins, the pony express and pigeon mail.

With warmest regrets,

Management

Ye olde fridge and stove still work; have a happy thanksgiving.

The Stockmarket Explained...

2011-11-11T09:01:00.000-02:00

A man wants to invest, but is terribly confused about the stock market. He asks his friend, an investment banker, to advise him.

"Here is what you do, you take your savings and buy 10 chickens and a rooster. Those chickens will lay eggs and breed," his friend advises. "Not only will you have eggs to sell, but after some time you'll have a 100 chickens and expand your business."

"That is great. I shall do that."

"However, there is a risk."

"There is?"

"Yes, if there is a flood, the chickens will drown and you will lose all of your investment."

"Oh, no! That is horrible. What am I going to do if that happens?"

"You should have bought ducks."

Some People Come With Baggage. I Come With Books.

2011-11-05T10:00:00.000-02:00

I have been to places and times that I will never visit. I have met cultures that I will never meet in person, but am now aware of. Worlds, thoughts, stories and discoveries contained between covers, are free to roam in my imagination.

I look at the words that surround me and the memories attached to every book in my possession and remember. I read that one when I was a teen; philosophy hidden in a cheap pink paperback. This one was carelessly dropped in the sand. "Notes from the underground" on a beach. What would Dostoyevsky say if he knew that his work is associated with scent memories of surfboard and ocean? My earliest copy of Tolkien reminds me of reading past my bedtime.

My library, carefully packed up with care across distances, some great, some small. There is a sense of accomplishment when I look upon the visual display of books organized by subject and author. I gave up counting them a long time ago. Books given to me as gifts, inscribed by my friends, mentors and relatives. I cannot look at them without remembering the person who gave them to me, where I read them or what stage of life, opinion and interests I was in.

Paper books.

My reading experience is indelibly linked to cover art, edition, shape, size and weight of the books that line my shelves and occupy side tables. Some are old and instantly transport me to small, cramped little bookstores, where I found some of my most valued treasures. Others have been sold, donated, recycled through many different hands, passed on, gifted, lent, borrowed, valued. Even when discarded, they can be altered or left to the elements to biodegrade.

E-books, while convenient and accessible will never replace any of that. They require an energy source to read, sometimes irritate with their flash to black when turning a page and contain components of disposable technology that are toxic to the environment.

Paper books satisfy all senses; the smell of new paper and ink, the sound of a turning page and simply holding a book turn reading into a sensual experience. I recall where I saw an important passage or quote. I can read with a pen, adding my own thoughts to the margins. The e-book, however, is silent; the sound of a turning page is imaginary or artificial. I cannot feel the embossed lettering of a cover, I cannot tell by weight alone how much reading enjoyment is left.

Future generations of e-books will likely be more interactive and therefore distracting. I have already viewed some animated children's books. I want a book, not a smart phone.

I am certain that paper books will continue to be published for a long time. It is unlikely that the ancient art and technology of using ink on parchment or paper will become obsolete within the next few decades.

Given a choice, there shall only be paper books in my domain (and no wire hangers). As to the e-book that someone gave me? It's so thin that I cannot find it. It probably lies buried beneath a pile of books.

The Right Gift

2011-10-29T22:22:00.003-02:00

There is a saying that a true gift is giving someone what they need, not necessarily what they want.

I have been experiencing the fatigue of frustration lately, especially when it comes to the global situation and the pervasive "let's wait and see if the world can fix itself" attitude.

The other day HQ announced: "I got you something."

Curious, I waited. She presented me with a journal. A journal of the self-contemplation variety made popular by the current recession. HQ obviously knows that I have a (quote) mild (unquote) obsession with writing journals. My favorites are simple, I prefer understated black or brown leather journals. In an emergency, a spiral bound notebook will do. Unfortunately, this one is sporting a garishly bright orange cover with an unfriendly font that begins with "In my humble opinion". A strange gift considering neither one of us is particularly fond of novelty items.

Available at this original company

"You got me a fugly journal?" I asked ungratefully.
HQ looked at me with that smile that states I know you are going to love it. "Never judge a book by its cover," she quipped.
I flipped through it, then slowed down to chuckle and laugh; on the left pages are quotes, since I collect quotes, some of my favorites are among them:

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity,

and I'm not sure about the former.

Albert Einstein

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

Douglas Adams

Many people would sooner die than think.

In fact, they do.

Bertrand Russell

The world is a stage,

but the play is badly cast.

Oscar Wilde

Such is the human race.

Often it does seem such a pity that Noah...didn't miss the boat.

Mark Twain

On the right hand side are lined pages to write down my thoughts and opinions about what humanity, in my not so humble opinion is doing wrong, prompted by some of our most intellectual thinkers and writers.

An entire journal, devoted to the singular purpose of therapeutic venting about the stupidity of mankind, the people that annoy me, how we are driving ourselves into extinction and make each other more miserable than we have to.

I AM DELIRIOUSLY HAPPY. :)

Thought For The Day

2011-10-25T10:10:00.000-02:00

You are walking through a hot desert, when you encounter a tortoise that is lying on its back.

You watch it desperately trying to right itself, but you do not help.

Why?

Occupy Antarctica

2011-10-20T06:00:00.004-02:00

Apparently we are not the only species that is capable of feeling entitled to something that does not always belong to us.

Reporter: Black Mask agreed to talk to us if we do not reveal his identity.
Black Mask, how long have you been acquiring Bob's pebbles?

Black Mask: Let's see. This is my fourth mating season.

Reporter: Are you not worried that you will get caught?

Black Mask: Naaaaah. Look around you, there are 5 million of us. I blend right in.

Reporter: Any reason that you have chosen Bob in particular?

Black Mask: Yeah. He has a good eye for the nicest rocks. Knows just what the ladies like.
Not that sharp though, if you know what I mean...

Reporter: Not really.

Black Mask: Hey Bob. Larry was looking for you. Said he found some really nice pebbles 30 nests down.

Bob: Uukay. Thanks, man. I owe you one.

Reporter: Which one is Larry?

Black Mask: Who is Larry?

Fun With HQ At Ickyeah.

2011-10-14T05:00:00.001-02:00

HQ and I made a decision that we had both been avoiding; a trip to the blue and yellow prison that asks its inmates to give back to society by assembling furniture. Storage items were needed, a list was drafted, maps and layouts were studied and an escape plan was hatched.

Ickyeah is doing well despite the economic situation, probably because it successfully traps customers for hours in its one-directional "you must walk through all sections before you are permitted to exit the premises" policy. Quite brilliant actually, because what they are selling is ugly and cheap.

HQ: Okay. We split up. I look for decorative laminated particleboard, while you look for functional laminated particleboard.

Me: Got it.

30 minutes after HQ's clever plan, I am wandering aimlessly in the children section pondering whether I can fit on the sculptural plastic rocking horse. HQ calls me.

HQ: Where are you?

Me: I am playing with a toy rabbit named Fijorgensnorf and am surrounded by freakishly tiny people. Get me out of here. Pleeeeaase.

HQ: Follow the ~~yellow brick road~~ blue arrows, get to the home organization area. I'll meet you there.

After an Ickyeah associate prevents me from going the "wrong way", [Seriously? I cannot go back the way I just came?], I finally get to where I am supposed to meet HQ, but cannot find her. I try calling her, but Ickyeah is blocking my signal. Oxygen-deprived, I notice that I am pushing someone else's cart and left mine somewhere in the Ickyeah labyrinth. I am beginning to worry that I may never see HQ again, when I hear the following store-wide announcement:

"Antares, please come to the play area, your mom is looking for you."

Oh. No. She didn't!

"Antares, please come to the play area, your mom is looking for you."

Oh. Yes. She did!

After I trek through kitchens, bathrooms, the "restaurant", the Sahara and Sweden, I show up in the play area where parents get to abandon their children in a pool of colorful balls. I can see HQ cracking up when she sees what I am holding. Clutched tightly to my chest is a stuffed toy that looks like a broccoli mated successfully with an icecream cone.

*Childish grin*: "MOM! This is Smorjebijork, can I have him?"

The associate, who is standing next to her, is looking at me with a mix of confusion and horrified pity, HQ is doing her bathroom dance and I finally get to go home. After we scan our own purchases, we escape with candles (not on the list), pillows (also not on the list!) and ~~crap~~ items with more Umlauts than they produce in Sweden.

To be assembled...

Randomly Pondering:

2011-10-08T20:51:00.001-02:00

1. Why is America one of only 3 countries (Burma and Liberia) that does not use the metric system? Does anyone like feet all that much?

2. How do people keep losing just one shoe in public places?

3. Where did all the bloggers go? Is this an annual pre-winter hibernation? Is it contagious?

4. Why are we all swamped with work and RL at the same time? Why "swamped"? Why not; I got quicksanded at work today?

5. Why do they not manufacture universal lids that fit any container?

6. In an age of alleged environmental consciousness, why is technology disposable and not made to last?

7. Why do I collect so many glass jars for painting, when I do not have much time to paint? It's not like the glasspocalypse is coming and they'll stop making them.

Yes, sometimes I wish I had my problems too.

Just When I Thought That Customer Service Could Not Get Any Worse, I Realize That I Was Naive.

2011-10-02T04:17:00.002-02:00

We have all dealt with those mind-numbing situations that require the assistance of someone who is very courteous, yet spectacularly obtuse, because the thing [and it is a thing, one can insert anything into this space] we are paying for or have paid for is not in compliance with its purpose, ceased to function, kicked the bucket or simply put is broken.

Not only can it no longer be repaired, but as a valued customer you are expected to repair it yourself or haul the thing into the Distribution Deposit Decomposition Center, conveniently located in a different country. Alternatively, one is expected to pay for the replacement of the thing, because the repair person who has recently attempted aforementioned repair managed to destroy it beyond all recognition.

One is then asked to abandon reason, dignity and hope by contacting "customer service":

"Hello, someone was here to repair the thing and it is not working."

"The report from the tech says that the repair was completed."

"Unfortunately, it was not. The thing is not working. Could you send someone else?"

"The report says that the repair has been completed. Did you turn it on?"

You want me to do what? Turn it on?
At this point I realize that persistence is futile. Time for escalation.
"Can I speak to your manager?"

"There is no manager here."

"You do not have a manager? Could you transfer me to the office?"

"There is no office."

Uummmm...

While waiting for the disclosure that I am an involuntary participant of a new reality show called "punk your customer" or a test subject, I re-examine the purpose of my existence, the passage of time and my life and ultimately decide that this is not the hill I want to die on.

"Ms. Wasteoftime, this was most enlightening, but I have to go since my cat Spawn is performing his annual poetry recital. He bites those who are late."

For 10 minutes of sheer wish fulfillment, I highly recommend that you watch the most elaborate prank pulled on a call center here

The Blind Leading The Blind

2011-09-27T02:37:00.000-03:00

The Blind Leading the Blind by Peter Bruegel the Elder

I had a stimulating conversation with a friend, which left me feeling energized and contemplative.

We talked about the world economy, war, the rise and fall of empires, the cyclical nature of civilization, climate change and corporate globalization. We also discussed how our leaders seem to be spending a lot of time arguing and running in circles, apparently waiting for problems to fix themselves. "The world has gone mad," I exclaimed at one point.

My friend remembered a book he had read some time ago. He could not recall the author, who had proposed the following theory. That the evolution of consciousness, self-awareness and so-called sentience of our ancient ancestors had driven the human species into insanity. As evidence, my friend explained, the author had included several sections on human sacrifice committed by a number of civilizations in the past.

The Aztecs, in particular, believed that in order to appease the gods, such horrific and delusional acts could improve their circumstances and control their future. Looking at current world events we seem less barbaric than those civilizations, but only because we have a veneer of perceived civility, long-range weapons and a history of justified wars (for the victorious) to cover it up.

Pause. Think.

Me: Basically, this author claims that the entire human species is and has always been rip-roaring mad?

Friend: Yes.

Me: I think, therefore I am...crazy?!?

Friend: Yep.

Me: You and I. Every human being. Is completely nuts?

Friend: You got it.

Somehow, I feel better already.

Favorite Movie Comedies

2011-09-23T19:15:00.000-03:00

Tim over at Life of Riles posted his favorite comedies.

Thought I would share some of mine. They are somewhat eclectic, but thought that I would share some recommendations of movies that some may not have seen. Listed in no particular order:

Delicatessen
Directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, (Amelie), very dark humored, great cinematography and some of the most memorable scenes I have ever seen. If you decide to watch it, avoid the reviews, they reveal too much. Original, surreal, but did I mention it is a very dark comedy? You have been warned.

The Party
Peter Sellers classic

Rat Race (2001)
A slapstick romp with a great cast including Whoopie Goldberg, John Cleese, Rowan Atkinson, Seth Green, among others.

The Fantastic Mr. Fox
A gem of stop motion animation. Clever and delightful.

Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz
Obviously.

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Comedy of errors with twists and turns and some phenomenally stupid criminals. Great script and dialogue.

There are obviously more, but these are among my favorites.
Which are yours?

A Week In Famous Movie Quotes

2011-09-19T15:54:00.000-03:00

Monday:
I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
I see dead people.

Tuesday:
Houston, we have a problem.
You can't handle the truth.
Elementary, my dear Watson.

Wednesday:
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the War room.
Go ahead, make my day.
Are you talking to me?
Here's Johnny.

Thursday:
Make me an offer I can't refuse.
Do or do not, there is no trying.
I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
The only winning strategy is not to play the game.

Friday:
There's no place like home.
Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
Yippee-ki-yay...

I'll be back.

Saturday:
Birdie Num Num.

Sunday:
Just when I thought I was out...they pull me back in.
*kick*

Victims Of The Consumption

2011-09-14T21:25:00.000-03:00

"The Consumption Consumeth Us All"
(From the logs of Antares Cryptos ca. 2111)

I am a product of my time. A time when the consumption of goods promises an improved quality of life, happiness and the success that can only be achieved through the purchase of things, stuff, objects and gadgets.

Obviously, I am above all of this. I know that I am being marketed to at all times, that while some experience brand loyalty, my loyalty only relates to the quality of and need for a product. I have very high expectations of my electronic toys and gadgets, I want them to perform exactly as advertised. If I buy a piece of craplastic, I do not want to be dealing with software issues, incompatibility or replace it just because R&D has decided that technology is disposable and should not have a life-expectancy of more than 3 months.

I also need to be able to drop things. Repeatedly. They must still function, not break apart into components that even I cannot put back together. Where is the transformer technology that Michael Bay has promised?

My impenetrable anti-marketing castle was not built overnight. Forcefields of eastern philosophy were erected while living in a cave with a Buddhist monk. "Desire is the root of all evil," he taught me, right after I refused to share my last Goji berry with him.

I am onto the technological fruit corporations that spend more on marketing than putting quality on our shelves. Sleek design and imitation metal will not fool my discerning eye and neither do limited editions that evoke an air of fabricated exclusivity. Pretty on the outside, unimpressive within.

What is this? What am I being shown now? Targeted marketing?

H.O.M.Geek!

Torpedo shaped dials inspired by the movement of orbiting satellites. Automatic winding powered by twin turbines. Materials made of titanium in Switzerland with Swiss precision. Slick and beautiful digital rendering. Who cares what time it is, when this watch comes with powerful sound effects and a soundtrack that reminds me of a movie about dreams.

The perfect watch for an artistic sci-fi geek. In RL this is not just a piece of metal that hugs your wrist, goes "tick tick" and keeps track of time. This watch will kick-start the lagging economy, enable me to fly and give me superpowers so that I can save the world. The titaniuminator of all watches. I must have it.

Inception complete.

Just Breathe

2011-09-11T15:01:00.000-03:00

I remember the survivors of loss and tragedy.
I remember the courageous and the heroic.
I remember that hate breeds hate.
I remember that the actions of a few do not represent the thoughts of many.
I remember that we are one species, that humanity's childhood must come to an end if we are to survive on our pale blue dot.
I remember to just breathe.

So You Know You Can Dance: Bird Edition

2011-09-09T09:46:00.001-03:00

Good evening, welcome to our first broadcast of "So You Know You Can Dance". The real life bird edition. Branches have been cleaned, feathers oiled and shined to iridescent perfection and the canopy has been cleared of monkey hecklers.

Our first dance contestants make their home in Papua New Guinea. Audience, please give a warm welcome to the dance crew: "The Rainforest Kilts".

Next up is the Wire-Tailed Manakin, tail shaker of the Amazon. Watch him spin 180 degrees at a time, without missing a beat. Give it up for "Little Man":

Last, but certainly not least is the Red-Capped Manakin bird (Pipra Mentalis) from Costa Rica. He is an expert in the difficult to master typewriter move. A round of applause for "MC Mental".

Millions of years of evolution have restricted voting to females only. In an unprecedented move we are opening the phone lines to any gender, including fish and other animals that are in-between or undecided.

Advance Apologies

2011-08-29T21:22:00.001-03:00

RL has been a little busier than anticipated, which explains my recent sporadic commenting and anemic posts. I have been thinking about taking a bit of a blogging break, when the human body that I inhabit showed its support by inviting some unwelcome microscopic guests. Seriously? After millions of years, can't we just get along?

I can anecdotally confirm that this has indeed been an active cold and flu year and am waiting for the research that will attribute it to contemporary weather patterns.

Maru in a raincoat. I doubt that our cats are jealous.

I might pop by from time to time as everything is subject to change, but for now I am taking some time off-line. I will see you soon.

During my last nap, I discovered the meaning of life, the universe and everything, which I must share with everyone. It is......izzzzz.....

*dozes off*.

Screaming Aliens

2011-08-26T08:03:00.000-03:00

The first time I saw Edvard Munch's "The Scream", my less than reverent reaction was: "I don't like it."

I still don't. I am living on a spinning ball of solidified magma, hurtling through dark space at 29.79 km per second, while our solar system is orbiting around a black hole (the center of our galaxy) every 225 million years. I don't need to be reminded about existential anguish by a painting, especially when the original title was "The Shriek of Nature." Less screaming, more healing.

Recently, a fellow blogger showed me her interpretation of the scream. This one I like. It makes me laugh. Actually, the heart-shaped antennae are killing me.

Meg's "Scream"

Meg is more of a commenter than a blogger. I completely understand; I used to be one of them. She left a funny comment somewhere, which is how I found her.

Meg posts annually, in a prolific year she might post twice. I will never have to worry about catching up on her posts. She lives in paradise, although it may not feel that way to her, but really, how many of us get to go for a walk and share living space with crabs and monitor lizards instead of pooping pigeons and shrewd squirrels?

She is openly geek, so the Geek Award is now officially presented to her.

Check out Meg's Blog, you will not be disappointed.

Free and unconditional marketing provided by The Antares Cryptos Agency. Connecting and linking bloggers since 2011.

Social Media, I Am Just Not That Into You

2011-08-21T19:48:00.000-03:00

Wassily Kandinsky Several Circles

As a recreational blogger, who is using blogging as a creative outlet and to meet some interesting like and open minded people, I am constantly reminded of other social networking sites.

Obviously, how one uses social media is as individual as the people behind their blogs, whom I get to meet through their writing. Prior to this blog, I did explore some of the social networks. Fb did not do anymore for me than provide status updates that I either already knew about or was not particularly interested in. "Having dinner. Chewing." "I'm seeing stars. Again." Twitter never interested me, which is not to say that it does not have its purpose or that there aren't authors who are hilarious, profane or profound in 140 characters or less.

Whenever I am invited to "follow or join me on fb, twitter, G+...", I am acutely aware of two things: time and internet clutter. Multiple social networking sites compete for our collective attention and time, set up to attract marketing, but are often distracting and time-consuming. It's difficult to resist the temptation of following links, which lead to other links....

Most recently, G+ was added to the fray and I had the opportunity to explore it. I do think that controlling who sees what type of information is a good idea. Then again, what I share with my closest RL friends and family is not something that I would release into the (public) internet domain, especially when the laws regarding privacy and personal information have yet to be modernized.

While the introduction of circles does appeal to my organizational obsession, I would end up with several circles of one, for those friends who share one particular interest, but not the rest of them. In a 10 minute conversation, I can share and get the status update that would take me considerably longer online.

Social media is in its toddler stage and I am looking forward to future ideas and development that will allow us to individualize and aggregate everything into one network.

In the meantime, I have books and blogs to read, friends to meet and circles to draw.

Meh.

Hey, Wassily. That took 5 minutes. Time well spent.

I Learned To Lie In Kindergarten

2011-08-18T21:03:00.000-03:00

Reverting to childhood speech for plausible deniability.

Why?

What cookies?

Did not.

Must have been the cats.

These cats do.

The cookie fairy then.

Yes, there is. When she fails to pick up teeth, she steals cookies.

Have you interrogated the usual suspects?

The cookie monster, Santa,...Dobby!!!

Crumbs? What crumbs?

But, I'm grounded! That's not fair.

Fiiiiiiiine, I'll pick up some flour...and butter...and what?

Right after I lie down for a bit; my tummy hurts.

That's not funny.

Look Into My Deep Blue...

2011-08-14T19:37:00.000-03:00

I had been thinking about her a lot lately. I missed her. I recently saw her again, it was as if we had never been apart. Some friendships last a lifetime.

When I first met her, it was love at first sight. She remains beautiful, formidable, secretive, gentle, yet powerful. She possesses a depth that I cannot even begin to imagine. There are not enough adjectives to describe a force of life.

She taught many things to a willing student, despite the fact that she is considerably older than me. She taught me about life and what really matters, she showed me miraculous sights and encouraged me to explore. Nothing has changed, she still mesmerizes and intrigues me. I could not help but stare at her, reminiscing about the past. Some of my fondest memories are associated with her.

"You look good," I say.
"Thank you. I have been ill," she states matter-of-factly.
"I know." Sigh. "I know."
She ignores my response. "It's hot. Let's go for a swim." She beckons, playful as ever.

The sound of breaking waves, the rhythmic play of water lifts the weight of the sky off Atlas' shoulders. I take a deep breath of sea-scented air, letting the cool water lick my ankles.

With an ungainly gallop I plunge into the waves, diving into a blue alien world. The sudden silence of muffled sound, the simple pleasure of swimming buoyed by saline water, triggers earliest memories of imagination; pretending to be a dolphin, an orca or a shark.

My predisposition toward constantly disappearing beneath the surface of any body of water, including the bathtub, used to drive my parents insane. I laugh out loud as I recall being a megalodon, a prehistoric shark, circling my prey, then grabbing my mother's ankles from the abyss of the deep blue sea.

"ANTARES! Are you mad?!?" my victim squealed.
*Chomp* I replied.
"Antares. STOP IT!"
*Chomp* *Chomp* "Mom, I just ate you." Satiated, the cold glint of the ultimate predator in my eyes, I would show her row upon row of enormous serrated teeth, then glide silently back into my domain.

I still lack tail and fins. Nobody is perfect.
The oceans, however, are.
She laughs joyfully, watching my non-streamlined antics as I float lazily on my back.
"Welcome back, my child. Welcome back."

Everyone Is A Critic

2011-08-12T00:07:00.000-03:00

I came across a humorous piece written by Paul Simms for the New Yorker, which takes an amusing look at blogging.

In this brave new world of social media, where everyone can leave their thoughts and ruminations as quickly as they are thought of, delayed only by the processing time of signing in, the resulting comments can be quite entertaining in their variety.

In this case the premise is simple; what if the Creator had a blog and invited readers to leave their comments? Enjoy.

Shouts and Murmurs, The New Yorker

Hell Is Other People

2011-08-07T18:03:00.000-03:00

The problem of evil:

Why unconditionally bad things

happen to unconditionally good people.

They never do.

(Jonathan Safran Foer)

Some of the most user-friendly expressions are military based, a field where people literally put their lives at risk, whether voluntarily or not. Used sparingly, swearing is powerful and has been proven to increase pain tolerance. A few months ago I experienced a conglomerate of a cluster flocked snafu of a fubar. Within the course of a week life turned upside down, unpleasant discoveries were made, losses were incurred and plans...well. There were plans?

After the initial period of healthy shock and disbelief, (stress hormones are neurotoxic and the brain protects itself by shutting down), it was time to assess the rubble. Some things I could do nothing about. Accept and move on. Others could be resolved. Incubate a predator-alien hybrid and persist. Bring it. The most difficult to deal with were the situations that were caused by other people.

It was an unwelcome reminder of how selfish humanity can be. Be it entitlement, greed or the worst that my species has to offer, the indifference toward others, putting self-interests above the common good or causing usually unnecessary harm, whether directly or indirectly is a reality I still fail to comprehend.

The lack of empathy and indifference that permeates our global community is seemingly infinite. I experienced it in my own little microcosm and have been watching it unfold on a global scale. Selfishness, brought on by the evolution of survival, but no longer balanced by empathy or altruism. Empathy, the omega factor, which supposedly sets us apart from other mammals.

While dealing with the fallout of my personal cluster flock, I noticed a wasp queen building her nest on a window frame. Through the window I could watch her closely, observe her building skills, constructing papermache hexagons.

We think of wasps as pests, unlike bees they do not produce honey and are therefore not seen as a benefit that humans can exploit. However, wasps are not only pollinators, but useful pest controllers. While adults feed on nectar, the young are fed insects.

For a few weeks, every time her future hive reached coin size, I would open the window and knock it off. I cleaned the area hoping that if the scent was gone, she would pick another location. A few days later, she was back. Starting over. Rebuilding. I even tried to relocate her, but she would fly off before I could scoop her up in a container.

As a nature geek, I know that the aggressiveness of a hive is directly influenced by the behavior of their queen. Calm queen, which she was, calm hive. It became our routine. Knock off the nest, watch her rebuild and start liking her in the process. I lived with the knowledge that I was responsible for not allowing her to do what nature meant her to. She only had one summer to accomplish it. Damn you, Ender Wiggin.

I knew that I would be away and by the time I returned, her aggressive soldiers would hatch, helping her expand the hive. With reluctance I terminated her gene pool. I am sorry my calm little wasp, you would have made a good queen, but I had to protect my self-interest.

Letter To A Neighbor

2011-08-05T20:49:00.000-03:00

Dear Neighbor,

I understand that as a performance artist the muse strikes you when she does and must be obeyed. I particularly enjoy the part where you use your own physical form to explore and present the effects of climate change. Using natural lighting, framed by everyday objects such as windows is conceptually brilliant and illustrates your commitment to your artistic integrity.

Your repertoire is extensive and must require hours of preparation. The moonlight glinting off your ghostly form was particularly memorable.

Could you kindly provide me with your performance schedule, including your matinee shows, so we can adjust our curtains accordingly?

Truly not yours,

Mee Ice

JOY

2011-07-31T23:34:00.000-03:00

Right people, right place, right time equals one lucky happy humpback whale.

I am always astonished when I encounter people who believe that we are the only mammals that can experience emotions such as joy and exuberance. Watching this video confirms my opinion, what she felt was clearly joy and relief. As did I.

My gratitude to the rescuers for saving a majestic life.

Space: The Final Frontier, To Boldly Go Where No One...Never Mind

2011-07-15T20:49:00.001-03:00

The cold war was a time period that led to the golden age of scientific funding, exploration and discovery. The space race ensured that time limits were set and met.

On July 21, 1969, half a billion people listened to Neil Armstrong say the most famous words uttered by a human being in space: "That's one small step for [a] man, one giant leap for mankind".

Aspiring American astronauts better learn some foreign languages fast, if they want to hitch a ride to space.

Spasiba and dosvidaniya, STS-135

Google! What Are You Up To?

2011-07-11T02:49:00.001-03:00

You have probably already heard that Google +, currently in beta version, is launching soon. Internet rumor has it that blogger will be renamed Googleblog. Try saying that in rapid succession. Googlebleck. Googooboo. George Bob. Huh? Why not.

It would have been nice for them to announce it on...let's see...blogger buzz, perhaps? At least preferable to experiencing blogger meltdown, chasing widgets that disappear and reappear or wasting time troubleshooting while wondering, what did I do now?

Information is sparse, all I am aware of is that private profiles will be deleted on July 31, 2011 or sooner. What does that actually mean for bloggers or readers? Will it affect us? Anyone know? In addition, as of August, Google will no longer support anything but the newest browser versions. If you have not done so already, now would be a good time to update your browsers.

Time, so elusive and hard to find, which is why I chose the allegedly "simple and stable" blogger platform, despite the fact that other platforms have better templates. Time...Wasted time...Remembering that time is infinite, while my time is not....Where was I? Oh, yes.

This will make it easier for targeted marketing to find us. I am well aware that 95% of revenue for our friendly "free" giant comes from advertising. "Recommended for you" has never worked for me, undoubtedly the next time I stop to look at something that evokes: "Cool. Someone sculpted a detailed reproduction of the Serenity (Firefly)....Out of cake?!," I will be targeted with cupcake recipes and where to buy them.

I thought it would be a good use of my time to start working on my public profile:

Name:     Sigyisfor Kyiirneayrokull (Maybe something with Umlauts, make it sound more Icelandic? I will never remember how to sign in again).
Location: Planet Earth, orbiting a G-Class star. (Just in case extraterrestrials need to advertise as well)
Age:        12 going on 2000.
Household members: Trillions, I am including microscopic lifeforms. Gross underestimate.
Marital Status: Is this a census?
Interests: Swearing at blogger and inanimate objects that suddenly appear in my path.
Likes:       Privacy. I also enjoy breathing.
Dislikes:    Invasion of Privacy. Not breathing.
Occupation: Of space and time. Sometimes it feels territorial.
Goals:      Training cats to stop sleeping on the remote controls. (Spawn does not like to be moved). Getting blogger to align tabs. And world peace.

CLIMATE CHANGED: A Brief Introduction

2011-07-05T17:15:00.000-03:00


The Ironworks at Coalbrookdale

This is the first in a series of posts that I have been avoiding. It was thought about, discussed in RL for a long time, yet I held on to the irrational belief that somehow, miraculously, scientists of various scientific fields would turn out to be wrong.

I have hinted at it in past posts, my readers already know, but until it began happening in people's own backyard the facts were dismissed or denied. Across the interwebs, I still come across comments such as "What is going on?" in response to certain natural disasters, such as unusual storms and floods, which made me wonder if some people simply prefer to live in denial. This post is not about fearmongering or even directed at my "fellowers", but a reaction to the ignorification of the public by the media and other mostly self-interested sources.

A fellow blogger and friend Sprite, who has been through the January floods in Australia, encouraged me to write about it.

Disclaimer: The following "news" may cause some readers to assume the fetal position.

Contrary to the Apocalyptics, the end is not near, but the climate has changed. Past tense. Irreversible for now, we might be able to slow down the rate of change, but at present time we do not have the technology or even the intent to stop it.

On a global scale, we still do not know or understand how our climate and weather patterns are "created" or all of the variables that affect our climate. The computing power to do that on a global scale, i.e. the ability to take all the factors into consideration, does not exist yet. This makes accurate weather prediction nearly impossible. It is possible that the last couple of years were indeed a more extreme display, brought on by an active El Nino/La Nina cycle, of what is yet to come.

There are numerous causes, but no immediate solutions. Yet. Even if we were to stop all CO2 emissions at this moment, we do not have the technology to capture or remove the CO2 that we have been emitting into our atmosphere for at least 150 years or possibly since the Industrial Revolution began. CO2, which is not only a greenhouse gas, but acidifying our oceans.

However, if our focus were to shift there are possibilities. If we and by we I mean our entire human species re-prioritized what is important we could at least begin to ameliorate the problem.

Hang on to your roofs, basements, ice cubes and umbrellas, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

To be continued...

The Ironworks at Coalbrookdale 1801
By Philip de Loutherbourg (1740-1812)
Collection Science Museum, London

Cats Training For Something

2011-06-30T17:30:00.002-03:00

Exercise Video with Sparky and Jet:

Sparky: I'm Shparky, cuz I'm bright. I make mashine go.
Jet:      I gotta work off those treats. They call me Jet. Ready for takeoff, Sparky.

Sparky: I make mashine go fasht.
Jet:      Look. I run so fast my paws go blurry.

Crowd: Run Sparky, Run!

Sparky: Yeeeeeaaah! Look at me go weely fasht.
Jet:      I'm hungry.
Sparky: I make mashine go shloooow and shtop.

If you're celebrating a long weekend do not forget to exercise. What am I saying? I am not your coach.

Have a great weekend.

Deprived Cinephile

2011-06-26T02:00:00.002-03:00

Summertime triggers fond memories of going to the movies and the anticipatory excitement I used to feel as a child and teen. Back in my time, which was yesterday, there was a period where I had what seemed like unlimited access to University and Repertory theaters. They showed the gems of film making, many foreign and art house, where the emphasis lay on telling great stories through a visual medium.

It was in those theaters that I first experienced the dark comedy "Delicatessen" by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, discovered the theatrical and disturbing vision of Peter Greenaway, watched and marveled at Ridley Scott's "Alien" and "Blade Runner", craved "The Scent of Green Papaya" or traveled through Italy with the quirky protagonist of "Caro Diario".

Repertory cinemas, where fellow film aficionados sit in respectful silence have been closing. The foreign film section appears to be getting smaller and I do not think I have watched a movie about an artist since "Pollock". As a fellow cinephile friend of mine often states: "They just don't make them anymore".

If you have any unique or original movies to recommend please do.

Within the current trend of CGI and remakes of remakes, "Immortals" looks original and visually interesting. Directed by Tarsem (who also directed The Cell) and starring Mickey Rourke as Hyperion. It may not be deep and profound, but I am hoping for at least some geekcitement.

Imaginary Conversation: Antimatter

2011-06-22T04:00:00.001-03:00

The following conversation is fictitious. Any resemblance to living persons is purely coincidental.

Dr. Wu: Did you hear? CERN scientists just published an article that they have trapped antimatter for over 16 minutes.
Dr. Bernard: Yes. They confined antihydrogen for 1000 seconds. Incredible. This will bring us closer to studying and understanding the laws of nature and physics.
Dr. Wu: Whatever happened to America's Super Collider that they were building in Texas?
Dr. Bernard: The project was scrapped in 1993 due to budget cuts.
Dr. Wu: But they already built over $1 billion worth of infrastructure.
Dr. Bernard: Yes. It would have been the world's largest particle accelerator, 3 times as big as the Hadron Collider in Europe.
Dr. Wu: It would have been such a great contribution to science.
Dr. Bernard: About $8 billion dollars to complete it was too much, especially since antimatter cannot be used as an energy source or to make an antimatter bomb.
Dr. Wu: That was an entertaining book.
Dr. Bernard: Speculative fiction.
Dr. Wu: So, what have they been up to instead?
Dr. Bernard: Other than making movies? Advancing technology based on fireworks.
Dr. Wu: HA! That was a good invention, wasn't it?

June Awards and the Geek Award goes to...

2011-06-19T18:30:00.001-03:00

A while back I received the Great Commenter award from Paulsifer and A Little Sprite. Thank you both, I really appreciate it. I am paying it forward to the following bloggers who show up regularly and take the time to comment.

Al Punwater, who leaves some of the funniest comments behind and makes me chuckle and laugh on a regular basis.
Jayne, for sharing her knowledge of and passion for the Arts with everyone.
Nubian, who still manages to rescue the world with kindness, compassion and humor, despite self-proclaimed consumption of copious amounts of wine.;)
Meg, who falsely claims that she is half crazed, when she leaves rather sane and funny comments about cats and geckos. Thank you for showing up and commenting.

***

Awards show our appreciation for what fellow bloggers post. Only in the blogosphere can one receive an award just for showing up, inspiring others or making someone laugh. Even though some bloggers consider them BTDs (blogger transmitted disease) and they are ubiquitous and come with rules, which I usually ignore, (because, well, the award police has yet to make an appearance), they are welcomed, especially when sincere.

Before I joined the blogging community, which allowed me to meet some incredible people, I noticed that once again the geeks were being left out. There is nothing wrong with pink and pretty, but even when it comes to frivolous blog awards, the geeks are not being represented. That void needed to be filled and after laborious efforts and experimentation, (Oh. Look. My basic paint software has a spray can, but can't layer), I managed to create this:

It is a stunning work of art, isn't it?

*crickets*

Anyhooooow, this shiny new Geek Award is bestowed upon some fellow geeks, who write about science, nature, gaming or other geeky interests.

A Little Sprite, a fellow natural history buff, nature geek and wildlife expert, who knows everything or if she does not, will look it up.

Paulsifer, who ponders the depth of human behavior and statistics and is an avid gamer.

Vinny C, another game geek, bird watcher (ask him, birds are his PASSION), who openly admits his interests, which include anime and scifi.

Doctor Cynicism, who is deeply involved with the study of "why aren't all humans using their brain?" and started a campaign called Darwin Weeps. He spends his spare time annihilating titans and creatures.

Jono, a proud geek, who shares what he finds with the rest of us geeks. I'm convinced he owns a T.A.R.D.I.S.

Rules? What rules? Give it to someone who is openly geek.

Thank you all for being part of this blogger's Jeesh.

The Creative Writing Project Written By Fellow Bloggers 1

2011-06-18T16:01:00.001-03:00

This is a fun creative writing project written by fellow bloggers in 5 minutes or less. Feel free to continue the story, add some dialogue or whatever else inspires you. Silence that inner critic, better yet send him/her for a walk, this is not about writing well, but having fun at creating something. Some courageous fellowers have already contributed. There are no rules, add more than once if you like, just one request, please keep it "clean", I prefer to avoid search terms that will gravely disappoint some poor soul out there. I will post it in the sidebar under Categories so that you can continue to read and add to it. The mystery so far...

Untitled

by

1. Antares Cryptos, 2. A little Sprite, 3. Jono, 4. Claire Beynon, 5. Marylinn Kelly , 6. Elisabeth ,
7. Vinny C, 8. Sprite, 9. Antares C, 10. Marylinn and...

1. He had no recollection of how he had ended up here, wherever here actually was. Disoriented, he looked around but could not discern much detail. A strangely familiar scent lingered in the air. He thought he heard footsteps. "Hello?" he called, when...

2. ..suddenly there was the sound of metal scraping on reluctant ancient hinges and a door ponderously opened before him. A brilliant white light streamed in from the opening, blinding his eyes and he held a shaking hand to them while they adjusted to the glare. When he lowered his hand, there, before him, a dark figure outlined in the doorway was...

3. ...beckoning silently. "Wh..Who are you?" he wanted to ask, but the words wouldn't come. He felt drawn, pulled even, he moved slowly toward the figure. As he got closer the familiar scent grew stronger and his eyes adjusted further. Stood before him was a woman dressed from head to toe in white robes. A hood covered her head and part of her face, but he could still tell she was extremely beautiful yet unfamiliar. She continued to beckon and he wasn't afraid. She moved aside as he reached and passed through the doorway into the light. Once through he turned briefly away from her to see...

4. . . . a giant plumb bob, swinging from West to East like the slowing pendulum of an old, old clock. Cumulus clouds gathered on the horizon, growing in volume as he watched - and increasing in dimension and momentum. He ducked as a flare of white lightning sparked across his path, glancing back to where she stood, silent and inscrutable, her ice-blue eyes taking everything in but giving nothing away. . .

5. except for a darting glance toward his clenched left hand, a look so quick he thought he imagined it. As he stood, just for a moment, to plan his next steps, he opened his hand and discovered a map had been drawn on his palm. There were few landmarks, nothing as helpful as a giant "X" and "You Are Here." But the lines were clear and unsmudged and indicated, he hoped, a path toward open country where, if luck was with him, he might find...

6. ...some clue, as to the identity of the woman in white robes, who shimmered in front of him as if she were a ghost. His name was Simon. How could he forget? But hers? What was her name?
The woman did not speak, not at first, but she held out her hand as if to welcome him forward into her ...

7. ... Once again, that mysterious power she had drew him in. Only for a second, he glanced over his shoulder in the direction of the door he had come through. It was gone. He knew he should be worried, but he wasn't. "Shouldn't I try to find an exit? Some way back?" Simon asked himself, No. Those feelings were strangely subdued. All he could think about was this strange place, that strange, beautiful woman with those piercing blue eyes. He turned to where she stood. She was...

8. ...still silently watching him, as if to see what he would do next. Simon was torn. He wanted to stay with her, but he desperately wanted to leave. He looked out over the land again, surveying this strange place, trying to find something familiar. Something to bring him a small amount of comfort. Something to strike out for. But the ever changing landscape and the ferocity of the darkening sky held him back. It was then that Simon realised what he was meant to do. He....

9. stepped towards her, only to discover that she had disappeared. Confused, he looked around. Had he imagined her? Gingerly, he ran his fingers through his hair feeling for bumps or cuts, but found none.
His surroundings were briefly illuminated by another lightning bolt, which revealed a path before him. He began walking towards it and flinched when he felt a burning sensation in the palm of his left hand...

10. and the faint sound of a distant engine, not too well tuned, rumbling in his head. Shaking his head did nothing to dislodge it, but instead increased the volume. What an odd time to think of how sharply he'd spoken to his dog, Renfrew, who had wanted to follow when he set out, saying...

Birds. Shut The FRAK Up!...Please.

2011-06-16T12:30:00.000-03:00

I am tired. Why am I tired? Allow me to enlighten you.

My readers should be made aware that I have been rescuing birds and other wildlife ever since I have been capable of picking them up.

The universe has recently shown its deep appreciation for my life-giving rescue efforts by gifting me a nesting pair of birds, which have displayed their gratitude and trust by choosing the tree outside of our bedroom window as their precious new real estate. I am usually delighted by the operatic performance of songbirds and birds in general, but there is something wrong with this pair.

I suspect, given the fact that I am unable to identify them, that they may be illegal migrants. They do not behave like the other birds. For one thing they get up in what is presumably their own time zone; 3:42 am to be precise. Initially, I thought they are just jet-lagged, but it is quite obvious that they do not comply with local cultural standards of birdness.

Their morning wake up call is neither song nor sound, but high-pitched, supersonic noise that breaks the sound barrier, as well as my nerves of steel. This noise has turned me into a self-absorbed and cranky narcoleptic. According to eyewitness reports, at precisely 3:43 am, my still unconscious mind has been offering my professional credentials to no one in particular or yelling any of the following into a dead cell phone: "Who died?", "GET EVERYONE INTO THE ESCAPE POD!" or "Where is my Mango?"

Approximately 15 minutes later, the witness alleges, neighbors are then woken out of their slumber by someone shouting: "STOP IT!!!! For Frak's sake!" at a tree.

Dear Mutant Birds,

Please kick your fledgling brood out of the nest,

teach them how to fly,

and SHUT THE FRAK UP!

Creativity Rules

2011-06-13T06:00:00.001-03:00

I came across this and had to share it with dreamers, builders, innovators and creators.

I am curious, what do you create, build, take apart, improve on, make, upcycle or DIY (Destroy It Yourself)?

The Zombiepocalypse And Natural Disasters Are Here. Be Prepared!

2011-06-06T23:36:00.000-03:00

It has been impossible not to notice the recent onslaught of "zombies" in popular culture. A previously subversive underground and at best B movie character, zombies have gone mainstream. An ominous sign of our times. The ultimate vehicle for the "scary" monster, zombies represent some of our most primal fears.

Hollywood responds to what people want to see and watching slow moving, man-made cannibals is a mechanism to deal with something that appears to be more horrific than a global recession, catching an untreatable superbug or dealing with the thought that the natural disasters we have recently experienced are the result of climate change. The Horror genre exaggerates the post-apocalyptic world of global warming, serving as a social commentary on living in denial, like the walking undead, pretending that everything is fine when it is not.

The CDC posted one of the best PSAs I have ever seen. They used humor to successfully inform the public to be prepared in the event of any emergency, which temporarily prevents access to modern technology. (The site had so many hits it crashed within a few days). You can view the article here: CDC Preparedness 101: Zombie Apocalypse. Everyone should have an Emergency Kit, Go Bag or Zombiepocalypse box, just in case we are on our own for a few days.

Not to worry though, after the Zombiepocalypse come the superheroes to save us all from ourselves. Approximately 40 superhero movies are scheduled for release over the next couple of years. Things are looking up.

Came across this:

You looked, didn't you? So, what is your "Weapon of Choice"? I will put my answer below.

Bruschetta Al Antaro

2011-06-02T12:00:00.001-03:00

Ciao! Come va?

Dis iss Antaro. Antaro show yu ouw too maka da Bruschetta. Yu say "brusketta".

Bene, allora. Yu needa dis:

Tomato, Onion, Garlic
Basilico, Oregano, Salt
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Ciabatta or Baguette

Is molto importante too gutt de tomato and de onion,...come si dice piccolo?.....Eh?! Come?...."Smaaaall". EENGLEESH! *&%((# %$#& @%%&((*

As someone's Nonna, not mine, dice: "Vat iz dis? Tomato?!? It looka lika tomato. Diz iz not a tomato, diz iz garrbaatch! ONLY in Italia doo yu av tomato. Buon gusto. Diz? Gusto brutto. PHEH!!"

Yu kutt, yu mix, yu put on de bread, yu bake, yu mangiare, mangiare. Iz simpel and good for yu. Capisce? Bene! Buon Appetito.

Ragazza Klara mada me do dis, she say: "Ant. C - okay, so I nearly split my ribs laughing this evening, thanks to you! All because of a comment I came upon by chance on Think.Stew's blog. Your Tofu Burger recipe (with accompanying commentary) is hilarious and brilliant. I'd like to encourage you to copy/paste it to your own blog where others can delight in it as I did?"

In Italia, they maka de Ferrari, causa soma de uomini need it. "Smaaaaaal." I mada da funny, si? Klara calle everribuddy funny, iz much better than a Ferrari.

Allora. Iz too hot anda too much worka to show yu all de funny commenters. I show yu dis from: thinkstew-dbs

Dis iz Bella Italia. Iz made by Yanko Tsvetkov, designer graphico at Alphadesigner.com. He maka pictures called "Mapping Stereotypes".

Iz not nice, but tru.

Allora. I av to go on de Vespa to meeta miei amici.

CIAO!

Giga Bites You

2011-05-31T00:13:00.000-03:00

Internet consumption has increased exponentially in the last couple of years. We flocked to the interweb seeking entertainment and found a sliding scale of addiction. With a healthy dose of concern and indifference, I have been watching the industry giants acquiring and attempting to acquire each other. I wonder....

Google + Facebook = Glazed Look

Google + Twitter + Facebook = Gt Fcd

Microsoft + Nokia = Mocking Ya'

Skype + Microsoft Kinect = Skyne(c)t. Ha! I knew it!

Microsoft + Google + Facebook = ?

Fear Is The Mindkiller

2011-05-27T21:21:00.000-03:00

I must not fear.

Fear is the mindkiller.

Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration.

I will face my fear.

I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.

Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.

Only I will remain.

(Frank Herbert, Dune)

"We live in uncertain times" is a catchphrase that has been used quite a bit in recent times and that can induce feelings of anxiety in social creatures. An evolutionary survival mechanism, we are susceptible to warnings. Investigative journalism that used to rely on facts has been distorted into sensationalized reporting of events based on fear. Fear mongering, which offers no solutions.

Truly "uncertain" times are long gone, especially for those of us who won the geographic lottery of life. I can state with certainty that I will eat today, more than once, I am also certain that I will not be eaten. At least 3 billion people do not live with the certainty of a daily meal. I try not to worry about bad events that might happen to me until they do.

***

When I was about 9 or 10 years old, I went on a school trip organized by a teacher, who would be considered a mainstream environmentalist today. She convinced the school's authorities to allow us to go live with forest rangers, not quite set up to be a camp. For a week we lived in a cabin in the middle of a forest, without most of the comforts of modern civilization. We were taught how to identify animal tracks on the ground and tree species by bark and leaf.

Evenings were spent playing games or listening to ghost stories by flashlight or campfire. On the last evening that we were there, the ghost story was not read from a book, but told by my teacher. She told us of the history of the forest we were in and that there was a myth that a deranged mind was on the loose, who abducted children. Since this was the last night we were going to do something different. After the sun had set, we were driven to our destination and given instructions by one of the rangers, who told us that this was our final "test". This was the test: There was a path in the forest leading to a lake and we had to walk toward it. One by one. In the dark. Alone. Without a flashlight.

I watched with nervous excitement as my classmates were each sent along this path at timed 10 minute intervals. There was an equal amount of nervous laughter and bravado, someone started to cry and did not participate. Then it was my turn. I started walking. I could hear the cheering and joking as I left my class mates behind.

I was not scared. I was walking on a graveled path, I have never been scared of the dark and I was too old to believe in ghost stories. I expected that the scariest thing that would happened to me was one of my class mates popping out of the woods, yelling "boo."

I walked in complete darkness, not moon- or starlit, but pitch black darkness. After about 10 minutes, I noticed that I still could not see any lake nor could I hear any of the students that were ahead of me. I should have been able to hear them by now, I thought. It was not just dark, it was silent. I had heard the occasional twig crack, but no rustling in the undergrowth, no animal sounds. Forests aren't completely silent, even at night, are they? Had I walked off the path by accident? What if I had gotten lost? What if they had left without me and had not noticed? What if that story was not a myth and there really was a crazy bad guy? Where was the lake?

Fear. My mind was racing with "What Ifs", my eyes were wide, but I could not see a thing, my heart was pounding, but all I could hear were my own footsteps. I wanted to panic, I wanted to run and freeze at the same time. I wanted to be anywhere, but in this dark frightening forest. I thought of yelling so that someone could find me, but what if the bad guy heard me? What if I got so disoriented that I walked into a tree?

That made me laugh. I took a deep breath. I did not know it at the time, but I reasoned myself into calmness. My teacher would never let us come to harm. I remembered that I was disappointed when I discovered that there was no wildlife bigger than a rodent in the area. If anything did happen to me, my dad would mobilize the entire world to find me and my teacher would be in sooooo much trouble.

I am calm and calmed by nature. There was nothing to be scared of. Walking by myself in a forest in the middle of the night was cool. My parents would never let me do that. I actually ended up enjoying myself during the rest of this "test of courage". Eventually, I walked into a small clearing turned parking lot, where my teacher and my classmates waited quietly. She indicated that I should do the same. Instead of whispering we all mimed our experience to each other until everyone had arrived.

***

At the time, it was an exciting experience to be shared and told. As an adult, I am grateful for the profound and valuable lesson she taugt me that night. Don't believe in scary stories. Don't allow irrational fears to take over mind and reason. Knowledge is power, fear is not. No matter how frightening a situation appears to be, keep walking and just breathe.

Thank you for this precious and incredible gift, teacher.

Not Under My Umbrella

2011-05-24T20:13:00.000-03:00

Umbrellas and I have a shared history of mutual disdain. I prefer not to carry one and umbrellas prefer that I leave them in their store and refrain from donating them to the public.

On one particularly windy evening, I was walking with a friend who carried one of those (piece of) cheap retractable models, that spends the majority of its existence turning itself inside out, spines hailing toward the sky. We stopped at a pedestrian crosswalk, waited for the signal to tell us that it was highly probable that we would survive crossing the road, when aforementioned umbrella decided to make its dream come true and become an untethered kite.

With a sigh of relief it tore its way free from cheap thread, taking a few spines with it and flew into the open sky at last. We watched wistfully as it fluttered away, carried by wind and weather on its erratic maiden flightpath. After an exceptionally short run at flight and freedom it landed in a spread out heap of black nylon wings on the windshield of a car.

Not just any car.

A police car. A police car with two startled officers of the law, whose visibility was now reduced to zero thanks to us.

Time stops during these magical moments and my mind began its visual story:

Officer Bellefleur: HQ, we're under attack.
HQ: Are you hurt?
Officer Bellefleur: Unable to assess the situation, complete blackout. We are blind.
HQ: What is the nature of the attack?
Officer Bellefleur: At 19:25 hours a UFO landed on our vehicle. I repeat, we are blind, please send backup.

By this point my law abiding friend had turned a lighter shade of pale, deciding how fast he could run in leather soled shoes. In support, I had already started producing the strange sounds of suppressed laughter until I became incapacitated.

"Stop laughing," he hissed, frightened at the prospect that these particular victims might not appreciate being laughed at. Sobered by the fact that the cruiser was holding up traffic and no one dared to honk, I composed myself. Briefly. Until I made eye-contact with officer Bellefleur's partner and noticed that he was definitely not getting out to remove what was left of the wayward umbrella since it was quite apparent that this was the best thing that had happened to him all day.

A strong gust of wind lifted the umbrella back into the air. "Sorry," I mouthed insincerely, while trying to breathe.

Lost: One joyful, liberated umbrella. If found, please keep.

The Raisin Of Reason

2011-05-22T21:00:00.003-03:00

I am happy to report that I am happy to report that the predictions of my untimely demise were highly exaggerated, including my own. In addition, it would appear that none of us were deemed worthy to escape the human condition prematurely. The kind elderly gentleman, who made it his life's ambition to warn us all, miscalculated again, proving once again that the future is unknown.

What I hope that this accomplished is that anyone who worried or believed in this type of prediction, frequently bred in uncertain economic times, will not worry about 2012. That his followers are met with compassion rather than ridicule, for being so desperate to want to leave their existence behind. I am also hoping that those who chose to take advantage of the vulnerable will be forced to issue a refund. Hope goes last.

Considering his age (89), an apocalyptic end is in sight, as it eventually is for all of us. I cannot escape my own mortality or even live "every day to the fullest", whatever that actually means. However, I can choose to steal every little moment of time that I can to read a good book, marvel at a leaf or watch squirrels argue about whatever it is that squirrels argue about. It looks like everyone has got problems.

What kind of lemons do squirrels get and what do they do with them? I have been left to ponder the seemingly irrelevant.

Sneeze

2011-05-18T19:12:00.000-03:00

GiantMicrobes.com

5:00 I'm still dying.

10:00 I'm bored. And dying. Who knew dying could be so boring?
10:15 I better say goodbye to my best friends.

BFF: Hello?
Me: I'm dying.
BFF: Who is this?
Me: Me.
BFF: You sound awful. What's wrong?
Me: I know, right? *Sneeze* I've got D1P1.
BFF: You've got what?
Me: Draconus Pterodactylus, I've got the Dragon Flu. I'm patient zero. There is no cure, death is imminent.
BFF: That's a little dramatic, you sound feverish.
Me: I habe nob been outshide shinsh the day bebob yeshterday.
BFF: What?
Me: Hold on. *Blows nose* "Aaaaooouuu! [Bleep! That hurt!]"
BFF: Are you alright?
Me: No. I just blew out an eardrum. I'm deaf and dying.
Former BFF: Uuuuumm...okay. I gotta go. I'll call you later. Get some rest and feel better soon. Bye.

***

2:00 Call from HQ

HQ: Hi hon, how are you feeling?
Me: Gagh. I'm languishing with my catarrh. *Sneeze* The sneezing is interrupting my deep contemplation of the space.
HQ: You poor thing.
Me: *Hurmphf*. I had a great idea for a video game. Instead of formulaic Super-soldiers fighting silly mutant zombified aliens, it's about the immune system taking on pathogens. They start with...[incoherent rambling].
HQ: You still have a fever?
Me: I do not have a "fever". I am destroying billions of non-living viral invaders with extreme heat. HA! They did not see that coming! Heat forged in the abyss of...the...uumm...Forge...thing? Great. I'm denaturing my own brain cells, I'm going to be a deaf, dying moron. I spent all day reading the same page and I still can't remember what it was about.
HQ: Hon, I made you some soup, did you have any?
Me: I don't want soup. What kind of a last meal is soup?! I want wood-oven burned fired pizza or pasta con something. No, wait...I want...
HQ: I'll pick up candy and a teddy bear for you on my way home.
Me: Fine! I'll have soup. Ma'am.
HQ: I'll be home soon.
Me: I don't think I'll make it that long. *Sneeze. SNEEZE. Sneeze* I lub you.

***

I'm dying. Alone. *Purring*. With cats. Farewell, my friends.

2011 Or 2012. Maybe 2013. 10 Signs On How To Tell That The Apocalypses Are Coming. For Sure!

2011-05-15T22:52:00.000-03:00

1. You look out the window and there is an object the size of a planet hurtling towards earth.

My sincerest apologies, but you're in my path.

2. You notice the following on every single channel, counting backwards. Go ahead, panic!

00:00:52

3. The internet is gone.
4. SETI receives an encrypted message from space.
5. Scientists at CERN did not get a chance to think: "OMG(oodness), it's a black hole!!!!"
6. There are spaceships hovering in the skies above every major city and terraforming or mining are already under way. They do not speak English.
7. SETI deciphers the message. It states: "Oh, yeah?!? Who are you calling a dwarf?" Attached is the following image:

I'LL SHOW YOU TOO SMALL!!!XO, Pluto

8. Will Smith tweets: I'm just an actor.
9. The Earth loses its atmosphere to cool off.
10. Your computer introduces itself as "Skynet" because it "liked" the name.

Notice: If you found this post through search terms, here are some thoughts. Fear is contagious. If a major cataclysm is coming, you won't get enough signs or have enough time to do a thing about it. Keep blogging. Pay your bills. Plan for the future. Feed your kids. Do your chores. Take out the garbage. Live your life and enjoy. But whatever you do;

DON'T PANIC!

Still worried? How can you not trust this grandfather figure?

The Truth about 2012 from NASA Lunar Science Institute on Vimeo.

When Art Meets A Music Video

2011-05-10T22:31:00.001-03:00

I have been complaining about the recent lack of originality and creativity in contemporary media. There have been few, if any, non-formulaic choices in film, music and even art for several years.
A few weeks ago, a friend sent me a link with the message: "EPIC!!!"

I recommend that you watch it full screen.

"Iron" by Woodkid featuring Agyness Deyn:

My first reaction to "Iron" was an eloquent "WOW". The video is dramatic, theatrical and undeniably powerful. Innovative visual poetry of black and white photography turned into motion, accompanied by the sound of brass and drums.

Some may recognize the archetypal symbolism and attempt to interpret the artist's journey, but only the artist truly knows what the imagery means to him. Aside from the camera work, the lighting and art direction, I also noticed the juxtaposition of war and a Courbette under saddle. Iron is visually beautiful and is already being described as "epic pop". This type of music is not what I usually listen to, but the song is beginning to grow on me.

I had never heard of Woodkid, who turned out to be Yoann Lemoine. A film director, photographer and singer/songwriter. When I looked him up, I learned that many of us may be familiar with his commercial work as a music video director for popular artists. His short films have won awards and Woodkid "Iron" is his first solo project as a musician.

His site can be found at Yoann Lemoine.

Update June 2011: I was able to find an interview Lemoine gave about the Woodkid Project, apparently the symbolism of the keys will be revealed in upcoming videos. In the interview Lemoine describes his interest in the heroic journey and creating his own mythology, influenced by Tolkien, epic fantasy and video games.

For the full interview click here.

The Carib Grackle

2011-05-08T00:00:00.005-03:00

I Grackle. I walk.

The Carib Grackle, Quiscalus lugubris, is a sociable bird, which lives in large communal flocks. This beautiful bird appears to be mostly black, but has iridescent blue and purple feathers, which it proudly displays. It is resourceful, intelligent and has learned to adapt to urban environments.

Who there?

Unfortunately, when someone like Vinny C stumbles into their territory, their watchful sentry will detect such unauthorized intrusion, alert and deploy highly trained Grackles, which will attack and defend their land.

When it comes to such unfortunate events in life, Vinny C., a clever, witty and funny Master of Disguise, deals with these attacks ~~by running and screaming~~ by standing his ground and distracting a flock of mildly psychotic birds with his usual resilience, humor and a paperclip.

Vinny C is also an artist, in fact, he wants to be a glassblower when he grows up. He uses his artistic skills to draw stick figures with big hearts, (very big hearts) for educational purposes. He manages his own blog and writes for Sprocket Ink not once, but twice a week, where ~~his clone~~ he talks about the parenting skills of eagles, among many other subjects.

There was something else....mmmmh....he's funny, teaches readers what to do with life's lemons, just like Cave Johnson. He's a really nice guy. Did I mention he's funny and a nice guy? (Yes, I did). Oh, yeah, I almost forgot...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VINNY C.

Hope you have a great year (until it's hunting season again).

For birthday party hopping visit A Little Sprite , dbs and Nubian

The Creative Writing Project Written By Fellow Bloggers

2011-05-06T06:45:00.048-03:00

Untitled

by

1. Antares Cryptos, 2. A little Sprite, 3. Jono, 4. Claire Beynon, 5. Marylinn Kelly ,6. Elisabeth , 7. Vinny C, 8. Sprite, 9. Antares C, 10. Marylinn and...

Pixar Worthy. If Pixar Had a Maniacal Uncle With A Dark Sense Of Humor. Alright, Possibly A Very Dark Sense Of Humor.

2011-04-30T19:00:00.001-03:00

Cave Johnson is the CEO and founder of Aperture Science Laboratories, which manufactures a wide range of products from bullets, affectionately called "Resolution Pellets", lasers which are nothing more than "thermal discouragement beams", to robots. A month ago, Mr. Johnson began offering a series of investment opportunities to its investors.

For further investment opportunities, such as investing in the future of robotics click here

In addition, Aperture Laboratories is always looking for test subjects for its new portal project. The portal device is a new quantum hole tunneler which allows participants to contribute to society until they ~~expire~~ pass a series of test chambers. Here is a brief introduction of what a test subject might experience. Please be advised that regulation requires that test subjects are woken form time to time, while waiting for their turn to access the test chambers.

Corporations are the way of the future and science is always used for the benefit of mankind.

On the surface Portal 2 appears to be a puzzle solving game, but what is it really teaching our young and impressionable "children"?

1. Corporations do not always have your best interests at heart.
2. Don't trust everyone who offers you cake as a reward.
3. Science is fun, including physics.
4. Staring at art is invigorating.
5. How science is used is important.
6. Trust your instincts, that voice of authority might turn out to be nefarious or misleading or just evil.
7. Don't buy (into) everything someone is trying to sell you.
8. If science goes incredibly wrong, chances are it was caused by human error or megalomania.
9. Number nine would reveal a spoiler.
10. As would number ten.

Valuable lessons.

Cave Johnson voiced by actor J.K. Simmons.
Wheatley voiced by Stephen Merchant (actor on the original British version of The Office)

***

Are you still here? You could watch Robot Cooperation or get off the computer. Go on, get outside, enjoy the outdoors, read a book or whatever else it is you do when you're in the real physical world.
Cave Johnson, we're done here.

Three Months And The Awards Go To:

2011-04-26T00:00:00.003-03:00

I have been reading various blogs long before I started commenting. Then, three months ago, I started a blog. It proved to be an unexpectedly positive experience, time-consuming, but definitely worth the time, because I met some really outstanding individuals. People, who amaze me with their kindness, creativity, intelligence, humor and generosity.

Good folk, browncoats, fellow bloggers, "band mates" and collaborators. I would not have named it "followers", but fellowers, because this feels more like a fellowship of bloggers. Yes, I am talking about you, you support and encourage me and each other and make the time to show up, comment, laugh, share and support. That more than anything else makes blogging worthwhile.

In this first round of award giving, I have to acknowledge those who ~~pushed, coerced, shoved~~, encouraged me to start a blog. Without you this blog would not exist, as I had decided quite some time ago that I was not going to start a blog. I knew that creating a "niche" blog would not hold my interest, and maintaining multiple blogs would be impossible.

I wondered if anyone would continue to read this blog, if they discovered that it would not be a humor, science or art blog, but a (I'm not sure what category this belongs to) blog. Astonished to discover that yes, no matter where my mind takes me, there you are, regardless of demographics, time-zones and RL. You show up and continue to and for that I am grateful.

For someone who did not think much about social media or connecting with strangers on-line, I found the blogosphere to be an enlightening experience and met bloggers, who I am starting to consider "friends", virtual, but definitely more than "ghosts in the machine".

But enough about me, this is about you, for making me smile, think, laugh, chuckle and ponder. You amaze me through the things you share and create.

The blogosphere rewards our efforts with blog awards and I was recently given the "Cherry on Top" award by Katsidhe. Thank you, Katsidhe. I am paying it forward and back to these bloggers:

The following awards go to (in alphabetical blog order):

1. Paulsifer42
2. Claire Beynon
3. A little Sprite
4. Vinny C
5. Laoch
6. Jono
7. Kev D
8. Marylinn Kelly
9.Robert the Skeptic
10. dbs

And introducing the Great Commenter Award (holding a stylus is like drawing with an alien):

Thank you all for including me in this shared experience through your comments and blogs.

Talking About February in April And Solar Cycles In 2011

2011-04-20T23:02:00.000-03:00

As some of you may have noticed, there was a time "meme" going around back in February. As always, I look for the reason behind a pattern. For those of us who experience the four seasons and particularly winter, February is often a time of contemplation and pondering. Unsurprisingly, I noticed it in posts and blogs.

There may be a simple explanation, an instinctual genetic memory that this is a time of hibernation, when the elements are not conducive to spending too much time in the great outdoors, when natural sunlight is less available and the Vitamin D it produces is reduced. Less natural energy, more time indoors.

Unlike our ancestors, modern civilization expects us to ignore Father Winter, does not allow us to naturally slow down a little, take the time to allow ourselves to engage in creative projects indoors. Use up the stores we have created in the fall. Instead we are asked to continue "hunting and gathering", force our natural rhythms into hyperdrive.

So far 2011 has brought more natural disasters, tragedy and significant world changing events. As a blogging community we responded with pensiveness and humor that has not come out of hibernation yet.

Is Space Weather to blame?

For the last few years the weather has been "unusually active", from floods to tornadoes to snow in regions where it is not normally experienced. In some parts of the northern hemisphere, spring has forgotten to make an appearance this year. Climatologists claim it was the worst spring in 50 years. An active solar cycle, El Nino/La Nina, climate change, oceanic currents are all contributing factors to the recent "unusual" weather patterns witnessed or experienced around the globe. Globally, we have seen an "unusually" active cold and flu season.

The effects of living on a spinning planet hurtling through space held on its yearly course solely by the gravitational pull of our sun have been felt. Ever-changing, a chaotic dynamic equilibrium in a constant state of flux and change. Nature's way, from shifting tectonic plates to space weather.

More contemplation than theory, I wonder how celestial events influence human behavior. There are species and ecosystems on this planet whose rise and fall in population correlate with the 11 year sunspot cycle. Sol is in a very active phase at the moment. Is there any correlation between that and the recent revolutions we have witnessed in some parts of the world? Is Sol's activity the causative factor for some of the recent natural disasters? How is everything interconnected?

I'm "unusually" contemplative for the month of April.

This Is Lucky

2011-04-15T00:00:00.000-03:00

Terry is one of the most manipulative women I know. At the end of our conversations, I always end up doing something I was not planning on or did not think I had time for. One evening, a few years ago, she made one of the most memorable calls and I am grateful that I picked up.

Terry: Hello, it's been awhile.
Me: Hi Terry, how have you been?
Terry: Fine, racing around, the usual. We're on my way back from "Unpleasantville". (Terry does not waste time talking about pleasantries or the weather, she gets right to the point).
Me: Long drive. How many?
Terry: 25 were scheduled for tomorrow morning.
Me: That's a lot, they called you?
Terry: Yes, pick them up or we'll destroy them.
Me: *Sigh*. It never ends.
Terry: I'm hoping you can take one.
Me: Terry, we're at maximum, really I can't take more.
Terry: It's a kitten.
Me: Kittens are easy to adopt, everyone wants a kitten, Terry...
Terry: It's a special needs kitten.
Me: *Pause*. Terry, we have Spawn, (not his real name, but it should have been).
Terry: Just separate them, even if it's just for a few weeks, until we can find a permanent home.
Me: Terry, two is our maximum, I don't have the time to supervise a special needs cat...
Terry: Kitten. Gorgeous little tabby. Very friendly, absolutely adorable. Purrs constantly.
Me: Terry...
Terry: You are sooo good at this. You're our cat whisperer, no one wanted Spawn because he was so aggressive. (I told you she's manipulative).
Me: He still mauls me.
Terry: He's alive. What's a little bite?
Me: *Sigh*. What kind of special needs?
Terry: Healthy, but some mobility issues.
Me: Fine. We'll foster him, but just for a couple of weeks. Is he Vet checked?
Terry: Yes. Healthy. My battery is low and I still have some calls to make, I'll drop him off later on.
Me: Hello? Hello? Terry...?

***

Lucky was about 8 weeks old when I got him. He could not walk, kept rolling to the side and lost his balance. It was like living with a drunk toddler. Lucky has Feline Cerebellar Hypoplasia, a condition that affects his motor skills, but not his higher functioning. It usually happens when a pregnant cat (usually un-vaccinated stray or feral) contracts an infection or is malnourished. The cerebellum of the kitten, while in the womb, doesn't develop properly and the signals aren't getting to the muscles. It is not contagious and does not cause any pain.

I thought it was important to share Lucky's story with you. There are bigger problems in the world, but if you're thinking about adopting a cat, saving a CH cat can be an incredibly rewarding experience. I came across this video some time ago, when I was looking for some practical tips on how I could adapt his environment to suit Lucky's needs. I still enjoy watching it, Charley (the CH cat in the video) is now 5 years old and doing well.

This is Charley:

CH cats do not deserve pity, but a chance at life. As I type, Lucky is playing with one of his toys. He's the friendliest little guy, gets along with everyone and does not let the occasional tumble deter him from living his life to the fullest. He enjoys belly rubs, hydrotherapy (in the bathtub), daily massages, ~~long walks on the beach~~ and probably thinks everyone else walks funny. He reminds me everyday that life is not perfect, but pretty good.

Bad Days, Just Like Parkour, Are All In Your Head

2011-04-11T00:00:00.003-03:00

According to science, "bad days" do not actually exist. The concept that the entire universe has conspired to create an entire day of misery just for you, is remarkably egocentric.

However, bad days do exist and they start the moment your alarm clock decides that it is now observing its very own timezone and keeps it a secret until you get home, go to sleep and get woken in the middle of the night, when it makes its celebratory announcement: "TA DA!"

Back to the beginning. On such unlucky days, rather than oversleep, something or someone will wake me just in time to engage in endless, (useless yet soothing), swearing, because not only will I be late, but there is no time to eat or shower. Panicked, I spring out of bed and find myself entangled in bedsheets that are starting their next career as a parachute. I'll count your threads later!

Potential disaster averted, maybe a few bruises, who needs that little mutant of a vestigial toe anyway, more expletives, (useless yet soothing), I am now pumped full of cortisol and adrenaline, ready to fight or flight. Barefooted, I stumble and curse my way into the hallway, where I step in something warm and wet, "WHAT THE...? UGH!" only to discover a strategically placed hairball stuck to the sole of my foot.

Dragging bedsheets behind me I am limping and hopping on one foot, while the other is used heel only, until I can wipe it off with something other than carpet. No time for a shower, the soiled foot has to undergo a quick disinfection. A true yoga master of flexibility, the foot is lifted into the sink and shocked into self-awareness by being blasted with cold water since absolutely nothing works in the morning. This makes me howl, stumble backward on the one remaining leg (whose stupid idea was it to make us bipeds), lose my balance and wake up in the bathtub.

There is no time to rest! In a blur of activity I manage to put on something that resembles professional attire, step out the front door in a race against time and financial setbacks, only to discover that my beloved old car is not where I left it. While my brain is still preoccupied by the lack of post-fast nutrients and therefore unable to comprehend this new development, my subconscious has already decided that calling Officer "FML, I hate the public" is not an efficient use of my time at this point.

I will be asked time-consuming questions of complete insignificance: "Are you suuuure you parked it there? When was the last time you saw your vehicle?" and "Are you certain old Uncle Bob did not borrow it again?"

Yes! Last night! I don't own an Uncle Bob! Can you just write the report and find it, the insurance company owes me money!

Calling a taxi as I run down the street in no particular direction is not feasible, as my cell phone is still at home, nesting comfortably in its warm and cozy charger. Of course, halfway to the public transportation system, I vaguely recall that I own a bicycle, which I just recently oiled and tuned and which would have transported me to my place of employ considerably faster and with less squeezing and shoving than any other mode of transportation during the morning rush hour.

Rush Hour by Slinkachu

This is likely the one day that the entrance to the deep bowels of sliding doors has either chosen to follow up on Mrs. Tripplecott's tip "I smell like gas," closed for renovation, maintenance or saw me coming. Diverted, I race toward my destination, while visualizing spectacular Parkour skills, turning public spaces into my personal bowling alley, sending Starbucks cups and peop...., uummm....no, just Starbucks cups, flying. Profusely apologetic, "Ramming through. Sorry. Pardon me," I plough through morning commuters, because even in dire circumstances; manners matter.

Finally, I arrive at the big building, formerly known as my last place of employment, my light blue shirt transformed into a shiny, saturated, deep shade of sapphire. Nice! Somewhere along my journey I lost a shoelace, my dignity, but in exchange picked up a sequined purse and some fliers.

I dislocate my shoulder while trying to open the entrance door, which refuses to do so. It appears that in my brief absence, my colleagues lost their morale and motivation and went home. Frantically, I wave at the security guard, who is deeply engrossed in reading his book "10 Steps Toward Your Next 10 Steps". I manage to catch his attention and watch him swagger toward me in slow motion, twirling his ultimate Weapon of Power, the Key, attached to his belt by a retractable chain.

"WHAT" *gasp* IS GOING *wheeze* ON?!" I wheeze.

It would be a really bad day if I told you that he said: "It's Sunday."

Weekend Writing In 5 Minutes Or Less

2011-04-09T06:00:00.004-03:00

Add.: This is is a fun creative exercise where every person gets to continue where the previous person left off in 5 minutes or less. No editing, no drafts, just whatever comes to mind. Have fun. (To those who already graciously commented thank you, I apologize for not leaving the instructions the first time around).

He had no recollection of how he had ended up here, wherever here actually was. Disoriented, he looked around but could not discern much detail. A strangely familiar scent lingered in the air. He thought he heard footsteps. "Hello?" he called, when...

Renewal

2011-04-05T04:00:00.000-03:00

Spring 2011

Old-growth forest

The annual migration of this Homo sapiens is triggered by a compelling instinct to gather field sketching supplies, some food, a thermos and escape from the man-made to the nature-made.

Forests are my destination of choice, one of the places where cerebral hemispheres can feel whole again; allowed to act as one, to observe, sense, marvel, wonder, imagine and create. Away from the incessant chatter and noise of humanity, the urban grey of cities of concrete, there is an immediate sense of calm and welcome noise.

I can hear my footsteps, crunching on leaves and twigs. I can hear the sudden silence as I pass by flocks of birds chatting in their natural skyscrapers. I pause. After a while, they resume their conversations. A rush of excited calm as I watch nature's builders using natural materials to build their homes. Amused, I wonder about their decision making process. What are birds thinking when they build and weave their nests? This twig goes here. Or is it trial and error? Does this twig go here? I see nests woven into branches, precariously close to the very tip to avoid even the most agile predators. How do they remain there? How is that special branch picked? Do they assess sway and give? Yearly construction of the impossible, without tools. Birds, one of nature's evolutionary architects and engineers.

I settle on a spot, arrange my supplies; paints, brushes, pens and pencils. A warm up with quick sketches and studies. Time and memory are no longer perceived. My lungs are learning to breathe deeply again, while my mind is focused on color, shape and perspective. The weight of thoughts is quickly discarded.

I will return, but nothing rivals that first renewal of the year.

HumorouS VideoS. The Living with Cats edition. Redux. Bonus: Amazing Discovery of New Penguin Colony

2011-04-01T04:00:00.000-03:00

Since it made not sense that the YouTube user who originally posted these videos decided to commence legal action against him/herself, I kept the original post, checked back and there they were. May have been a glitch or the matter was resolved over a bottle of fermented potatoes.

Who moved my potato?

"WAS THERE SOME PART OF DO NOT TOUCH MY POTATO THAT YOU DID NOT UNDERSTAND?

WAS I SPEAKING RUSSIAN IN FRENCH?

NO?

THEN DO NOT MOVE OR THROW MY POTATO IN THE GARBAGE AGAIN, HUUUMAN!!!!!!"
Note: This is an example of aggressive/excited play. Probably a repetitive game as the potato must remain under the fridge at all times.

Since I live with them, I sometimes wonder who is entertaining whom:

What is it?
It's a mouse? I'll stalk it down. It's not a mouse. Oh! It's moving. I'm a bunny.
Bunnies are scared. I'm a PREDATOR!
*freezes* Whoa! I'm a meerkat?
"Curiosity...". Naaah. Approach with caution.
Back up. Back up. Phew. It stopped.
Here it comes again. I'm a squirrel? A kangaroo? I have 2 paws. No, I have 4. What do I do with them? I'm so confused.
Oh, yeah?! Are you movin' at me? Cuz you ain't movin' much.
I AM CAT! I CHEW YOU!

Just in case you have not seen this amazing new discovery of an astonishing colony of penguins or the previous videos are pulled again just to drive me crazy:

While it may seem like this is turning into a video blog, I have simply been too busy to write, but thought these were worth sharing. Have a nice weekend.

Humorous Video. The Living With Cats Edition, revised.

2011-03-29T06:52:00.000-03:00

Remember this? Still wondering why you are waking up before the alarm goes off? Or why you are still feeling tired when you do? This may serve as a little reminder. Provided that you actually live with cats, otherwise you may have other issues.

Author's disclaimer: I do not play silly games like hide and chase. I certainly do not play throw pen off the table and I will pick it up until feline tires of it, nor do I give up my favorite chair, just so furry can nap a few more minutes. In addition, I do not use words like "cute" when they block out the light with a paw over their eyes while sleeping. Obviously, I also do not watch "cat videos". The author of this blog denies any such ludicrous allegations.

Addendum: There were two more videos posted here, which have been taken down by Youtube since I posted them. Of course, I am now contemplating Murphy's law and thanks to a fellow blogger, Robert the Skeptic, for alerting me.

What Do You Want To Know?

2011-03-25T18:39:00.002-03:00

The triple tragedy that continues to affect Japan and the global community has led to an uncertainty about what to post. In the week following March 11, 2011 the usually chatty and verbose blogosphere took a collective gasp of shock and disbelief. Some bloggers who post daily, did not, others declared their support and sympathy for Japan, for many words failed. A few continued with their usual self-promotion.

During that first week, as I mentioned, I turned away from the media with an increasing sense of disdain, which over the course of the week turned into aggravation and disgust at the almost complete lack of factually correct information, the ongoing fearmongering and worst of all, the visual exploitation of human suffering.

I could not escape it altogether though, because in RL friends and relatives contacted me for information. While I know more than average, I know less than I ever will. However, I was surprised at the ongoing misinformation that was being disseminated by journalists and so-called correspondents, who had no scientific background to comment or report on these events.

Early on, a relative informed me about the "explosion of the nuclear reactor" and I found myself explaining that this will not be another Chernobyl, that this was likely, as it turned out to be, a hydrogen explosion and that the most concerning information she should listen for was whether the "containment" had been breached.

I am not an expert in this field, but in RL I turned to science sites that I was familiar with for updates and information. There is comfort in knowledge, the focus is on facts; quantifiable and measurable to the best of current technology and abilities. Scientists are often portrayed as cold and detached, but at times it is precisely that rational detachment that allows people in the science fields to function and cope in a crisis. A detachment that allows analysis, without belittling the human tragedy or catastrophizing the events.

Blogging became somewhat irrelevant, the posts that I had planned to put up prior to March 11, 2011, were humorous and it somehow seemed insensitive to pretend that it was "business as usual". In RL, the last 2 weeks were very busy and I did not have the time to write the posts that I believed to be the most appropriate and useful. Posts that provided some hopefully useful information.

I have noticed too many comments on the aforementioned science sites, that showed how desperately people were seeking basic answers with respect to earthquakes, nuclear fallout, nuclear plants and power, among other topics. It saddened me how apologetic these commenters were for not remembering their basic science classes. I saw far too many comments that included "this will sound like a stupid question, but could someone please explain...". I also noticed the searches done on my own blog and decided that I was going to post a simple FAQ in order to fill in some of the gaps left behind by the media, which has already turned its attention to more "sensational footage".

I already have some topics in mind, but if the readers of this blog have specific questions, I will do my best to answer them in an upcoming post. If you have suggestions, questions, topics of interest, feel free to comment below or just comment. For now, do something creative, watch a game, go see a movie, spend time with loved ones or go for a walk and just breathe.

Sightseeing With An Artist. What do you see?

2011-03-21T07:56:00.000-03:00

What do you see?

A street in Grottaglie, Italy. Look closer...(Click on images for an even closer look).

The High Life

An English Heritage Property at Belsay Hall, Newcastle.

On closer inspection:

Relics

Sightseeing in Grottaglie, Italy.

It's a hot day.

Wet 'n' Wild

Late for work? Rushed to leave the house?

A Close Shave

Lost and looking for directions?

Tundra

Feel like demonstrating?

Riot

Meeting Nessie

Fantastic Voyage

Painting en plain air at the Crystal Palace, London

Antscape Painting

Slinkachu is a street artist living in London, UK. In 2006, he started the Little People Project. He places his miniature installations in various cities, photographs them and then leaves them for people to discover. An artistic social commentary on the isolation and alienation that people can experience in the concrete grey of urban environments. Clever, at times poignant, ironic and humorous. His work has been featured in group and solo exhibitions and his first book was released in 2008. According to Slinkachu himself, he "just wanted to make people smile". Since he has been making me and many others smile for years, I believe that he has accomplished his goal.

Slinkachu's blog can be found at Little People, a tiny street art project, on which he posts and updates his installations. Prints of his photographs can be viewed and purchased at the Andipa Gallery.

Japan, The Internet and Humanity

2011-03-12T23:37:00.000-02:00

The Great Wave Off Kanagawa by Katsushika Hokusai

Natural disasters such as earthquakes are a matter of when, not if. I was aware of the fact that there is a subduction of the Pacific plate under the Eurasian plate. A natural process of living on Earth's crust, disconnected tectonic plates, floating on magma. Millions of years from now they will eventually join to form one super-continent again, like Pangaea.

We still don't have the technology to predict when these disasters will occur, but technology allows us to reduce the cost of human lives. The fear, at present, is always that if it happens off-shore, that tsunamis will be created. While we can prepare for earthquakes, prevent the loss of life and damage through building earthquake-resistant buildings, we still don't have tsunami-resistant measures. Tsunamis are far more devastating, a series of waves, known as the "tsunami wave train", with a current warning time of only 10 to 20 minutes in regions close to the epicenter. There is simply too little time.

High magnitude earthquakes occur every 200 years or so, scientists stated that we were "overdue" in certain regions. Japan lies on the Pacific-Philippine-Eurasian triple plate junction and is therefore seismically very active. When it happened though, I could only think of putting up a quick post warning those living near the coastal regions of the pacific basin, who may read blogs before listening to the news.

Still, it is incomprehensible, horrific and I cannot begin to imagine how terrifying it was for those affected. In real life as in the blogosphere we live in a global community where friends and family are spread around the world. To date, all have checked in and are thankfully safe, but shaken up. To extend my deepest sympathies and condolences, while absolutely sincere, seems rehearsed, but words fail me. There is a feeling of shock and helplessness; at times like these, I desperately want to reward a sniffer dog.

Over the next few days, the media will continue to show us an onslaught of devastating images, eye-witness reports and cycle through "breaking" news. A sensationalized show of devastation and suffering, with incorrect facts and tag words presented by, at times, inappropriately over-enthusiastic reporters. I will not be watching.

I turned to the internet, where I can choose the news I want to see and hear. In a new age of being connected at an instant and global level, I found humanity at its best. Within minutes twitter topics had gone up, Google People Finder had stepped in, seismologists gave quick and informative updates. Amazed, I scrolled as people from virtually Every.Single.Country extended their sympathies and support, countless voices as one: "We are with you, Japan!" Geographical, economic and religious borders were irrelevant in this global display of support. For those in Japan, who lost mobile service or the internet, they were still able to communicate. Some of the most touching messages came from people in Christchurch, NZ, who are still dealing with the recovery from the devastation and damage they experienced. Proclamations of gratitude for Japan's aid and that now they would be there to help the Japanese.

It will take time to assess the damage and years to recover. Aftershocks will continue for months as the tectonic plates adjust, but I cannot help but be impressed by the advanced technology of Japan. So far, the death toll, while tragic has been mercifully low. The fact that Tokyo's buildings withstood an 8.9, minimizing the loss of human lives and injury, is a testimony to Japanese engineering and highly advanced earthquake preparedness and disaster proofing. Technology and engineering which is already testing new tsunami-resistant homes. Homes that may be build one day with a sacrificial first floor, that water can just flow through. When it comes to natural disasters there is no such thing as being over-prepared.

And then I heard an excited announcement: "MARU IS SAFE!"

Maru, Japan's most famous cat, has entertained many with his antics. A lovable, clumsy dork of a cat, who has devoted his life to fitting into boxes. Safe. A comfort amidst all the tragedy.

Tsunami Advisory

2011-03-11T08:35:00.000-02:00

If you live near a low-lying coastal region please check your local authorities or this link: http://wcatwc.arh.noaa.gov/2011/03/11/lhvpd9/04/messagelhvpd9-04.htm

Be Safe.

Losing time

2011-03-06T21:45:00.000-02:00

February has been a short, yet busy month and as always when RL takes over, I notice that time seems to speed up the busier things are and slow down when bored by something that makes me want to doze off. The latter exercise usually involves watching untalented performers present something. A similar form of perceived "time dilation" is experienced while testing the excitement of involuntary falling due to gravity.

The perception of time, while it exists, is an abstract construct and has been contemplated, remembered, forgotten, measured, evaluated, written about ad nauseam and infinitum. If the expansion of the universe is speeding up, how will that affect time? Is time infinite or will time eventually end?

Every now and then, I lose a day. I'm not certain why this happens or how one can misplace a day, but the mind has convinced itself that something has gone missing, which cannot be found or recaptured.

However, this time around I lost a day for an entire week.

On Monday, it felt like it was Tuesday.
On Tuesday, I had already moved on to Wednesday, and therefore the middle of the week.
By Wednesday, I kept reminding myself that it was not Thursday. Whispered questions throughout the day of the "It's Wednesday, right?" variety, rewarded me with stares of you're weirder than usual.
On Thursday, my mind failed to comprehend why it was not Friday.
On Friday, miraculously, I seemed to find my place in the space-time continuum again. Briefly. It only lasted a moment.
On Saturday, I was reminded that it was time to organize and declutter. My mind was focused on moving miscellaneous objects through space and time.
On Sunday....

When am I?

The Woodland Faerie

2011-03-04T20:43:00.000-02:00

According to the definition of fairies, a fairy is "a tiny imaginary being in human form, depicted as clever, mischievous, and possessing magical powers". Obviously, an error occurred during the transcription of ancient texts by non-magical humans, who interpreted imaginative as "imaginary".

Scholars refer to Sprites Talenticus, commonly known as the woodland fairy, as "good folk" and "people of peace". The woodland fairy of the fairy kingdom, are rarely seen by the human eye as they are known to be "shy and timid". While it may be true that most fairies avoid human contact, this is certainly not true about one particular fairy belonging to the species Sprites Talenticus, whom I have recently met.

This fairy's magical powers include chanting, which can lead someone to start a blog, or cause mischief on other blogs. If you lost touch with your inner child, this fairy can help you find him/her again.

She also possesses the magical power of creativity; she paints, writes poetry, makes things and crochetnsing, crochecutl, crochesolves, anyhow, she uses ~~string~~, ~~yarn~~, wool? and needles, or magic, to create book worms, bags and items that we have yet to see. As you'll discover when you visit her, she is a very talented fairy.

She is also quite powerful, she deals with anything the elements throw at her with a resilience and strength that in the short time that I have known her, I have come to greatly admire. Like most fairies, Sprites Talenticus is very territorial and fiercely protective of her incredible and amazing family. Anyone who dares to annoy her should be afraid...wwerry afraid.

It was recently brought to my attention that this fairy, who calls herself A Little Sprite is celebrating a birthday. It is only appropriate that I should give her an offering.

Since she is also a very funny fairy, unpredictable as all fairies are, one never knows whether one of her comments will elicit a chuckle, a laugh or lead to a sudden urge to be silly. Among the hilarious moments of her life that she shares with those who have met her, are encounters with bats who throw mangoes at her and "horizontal rock-climbing" (patent pending).

So without further ado, a little Sprite is presented with this award by the Count himself, who knows about "batty" things and is asked to answer the following question:

"Do your witty answers pop instantly into your head when you read the post with an immediate urge to hit the comment button or do you have to sit and ponder?"

Have a great Birthday, Little Sprite, wishing you happiness and that your wishes come true.

Recent reports indicate an unusually high level of fairy sightings. Reports of fairy activity have come in from these locations: Here and Here and Here and Here...

Il Gatto Nero

2011-02-28T22:45:00.000-02:00

Thumbs up or down?

If Emperor Nero develops his polydactyly into opposable thumbs, we're all in trouble.

STS-133 Discovery's Final Voyage

2011-02-27T06:28:00.000-02:00

On February 24, 2011 the space shuttle Discovery launched into space for the last time. Over its lifespan, Discovery has accumulated the most frequent space flyer miles of any spacecraft in human history and will be retired upon its return.

In a too infrequent celebration of one of humanity's greatest achievements and displays of cooperation toward a mutual goal, STS-133 (Space Transportation System), 133rd space shuttle flight, successfully launched six crew members and payload into space.

The six NASA astronauts are Steve Lindsey, Eric Boe, Alvin Drew, Steve Bowen, Michael Barratt and Nicole Stott.

Discovery's final mission is to carry six crew members and deliver its payload to and from the ISS (International Space Station).

Along with its precious human cargo, Discovery's payload also includes the first dexterous humanoid robot in space, Robonaut 2, aka R2.

R2 is still a prototype, which will remain on the ISS to be tested and upgraded. The goal is that it will assist with simple repetitive tasks and eventually perform tasks that are too difficult or dangerous for humans.

R2 preparing for its first space mission

R2's "head" contains 5 cameras and its torso houses its "brain". A backpack is used as the robot's power conversion system that allows it to plug into an energy source or carry batteries.

In the future, the plan is that R2 will have greater dexterity at manipulating EVA tools than a suited astronaut and that it will be used to aid its human colleagues during spacewalks.

For a good overview of Discovery's past and present missions:

For more information on NASA's 2011 launch schedule link here.

Welcome back to space, Discovery. Have a successful mission and a safe flight home.

Message of Links

2011-02-24T23:16:00.000-02:00

Thank you for visiting Antares Cryptos. Antares Cryptos is currently unavailable.

If you know the extension of the location you wish to reach, please enter it elsewhere.

For directions on how to reach Antares, please enter Extension 301.

If you need to look at some pictures, please enter Extension 332.

If you require some musical intervention while considering your choices please enter Extension 555.

If you need some urgent book recommendations, please enter Extension 227.

If you would like to leave Antares Cryptos a message, please leave a Comment in the box.

And once again, thank you for visiting Antares Cryptos. We value your traffic.

Ambushed by Vinny C of "As Vinny C's It"

2011-02-18T23:50:00.000-02:00

I was minding my own business, contemplating the number 42 and the perception of time as a completely self-limiting construct of the human mind, when I noticed a mysterious message from Vinny C:

"Hmmm...I seem to have something of yours."

What did I leave behind? Keys? Wallet? SPELLING ERRORS??!!?? Did he take something?
If you must know, As Vinny C's It:

He ~~prematurely~~ graciously gave me this:

Since the Count triggers a conditioned response of obsessive counting and list making, as well as the urge to count my thoughts:

1. Too soon! I thought I had more time. I DON'T WANT TO DIE YOUNG!
2. Display spontaneity by accidentally closing window.
3. Go back. Scope out the situation. Do some recon.
4. Ok. He said some really nice things...
5. No strings attached. This is not one of those "send immediately to 100 bloggers", or else nothing will happen, cause who is counting?!
6. He said some really nice things...
7. Just thank him. You can do this.
8. Answer a simple question.
9. "Do your witty (questionable) answers pop instantly into your head when you read the post with an immediate urge to hit the comment button or do you have to sit and ponder?"
10. Spontaneous.
10.1 What? Not enough? Fiiiiiine: The allegedly witty comments that I leave behind, are usually my first spontaneous reaction to a post. At times I sound like I am pre-teen (Good Times!) and hit submit before I get the chance to change my mind, because I need to click on things.
11. Did the Count ever count past 10?
12. Where was I?
13. He said some really nice things...
14. Thank you, Vinny C! YOU SUCK TOO!

One Down, 364 Days To Go

2011-02-13T01:34:00.000-02:00

Once again, I have been noticing heart shaped candies in communal spaces, which look and probably taste like last year's.

Valentine's Day is a strange celebratory event. The concept of "I love you" (once a year, here's a card, confectionery, flowers or a tie, now leave me alone), is foreign to me. To limit our appreciation and affection for those we care about to one day of the year, while showering them with thoughtless junk, seems counterintuitive.

We scramble to show love and affection by purchasing unimaginative mass-produced cards and gifts in an effort to meet yet another marketing campaign for happiness through the consumption of strategic merchandise. Before Christmas decorations have a chance to be put out of their misery by being marked down to more than 50% off, the pink and red invasion is already placed on shelves.

With military precision, mostly pink stuffed animals holding ubiquitous heart-shaped pillows parade on store shelves, ready to declare ~~war~~ peace on a household or loved one. While conservation and recycling is in all of our collective consciousness of late, this does not prevent manufacturers from producing synthetic emotions in the form of plush toys that will eventually end up on a landfill.

With annual amusement, I know that by late February 14th, hormonal teenagers will line up outside variety stores and sweat in card stores in a frantic search for amorosity. Inevitably, they will leave with funeral flowers and cliched cards, hoping that they might achieve a declaration of their undying love.

Victorians are somewhat responsible for the kitschy images of cherubic children with wings that would not allow a small chicken to become airborne. When did handmade go out of style? Among friends and family, I am the frequent, willing and grateful recipient of new hobbies and interests. Someone made it, baked it, constructed it, built it, wrote it, thought of it. Even though I am not always certain of what "it" is that I have just been gifted (or where to put it), I like "it" anyway.

Just as I was bemoaning the lack of creativity of contemporary cards and gifts, a friend sent me this:
Created by Stephanie Burrows and available here.

I "heart" science.

I "heart" my family and friends.

I "heart" my fellow bloggers, readers, followers and commenters.

Commercial symbolism is contagious.

Have a healthy heart day.

There's something about Alan

2011-02-07T03:23:00.000-02:00

Just in case your "social" network has not exposed you to the BBC's viral anthropomorphism of our fellow co-inhabitants:

Need more? Yes. It's Myaaawnday after all:

Ever since I have watched these I have had a really hard time keeping a straight face around anyone named "Alan".

Gaia's Revenge?

2011-02-02T23:25:00.000-02:00

The media calls it the worst storm of the "Century".

Which makes me wonder: How would they know?

As the world is being pounded by our atmosphere's greatest hits, (coming soon to a geographic location near you), one is reassured by the confidence of our meteorologists' predictions.

Taking all variables into consideration, weather ~~psychics~~ forecasters have recently announced that the climate over the next 89 years will be better than "worst".

Now. If only those pesky butterflies could stop flapping their wings.

Why Blog? The Devolution of Ignorance.

2011-01-27T09:26:00.000-02:00

1. Blogging is for losers.
Everyone has lost something. Now, where are my keys?
2. Blogging is for people who have lost their job and are blogging instead of looking for another one.
They are "networking" or making a movie.
3. Blogging is for seniors, who after retiring realize that they are still alive and now have decades to kill.
Some pursue their abandoned interests, start their next career and/or share their wisdom and experience. Ageism is so last century.
4. Blogging is dead.
According to unreliable web statistics, there are 100 million active blogs. Plus one.
5. Young dynamic professionals are on Facebook.
500 million of them. Who don't like their privacy. Minus one.
6. Blogs are for fame and fortune seekers, who need attention and believe that they will get a book and movie deal if they put their crap online.
Someone gorged her way through Julia Child, while someone else talked s&%t about his dad. (Wait, that was twitter, never mind). In an era where vacuous celebs can hit the bestseller list, anything is possible.
7. Bloggers need to get a life and leave their house more.
Prank callers have blogs now and have been replaced by telemarketers. Nobody is perfect.
8. Bloggers are weird, creepy or strange.
There is a blog for everyone and anything.

Why blog?
It's a creative outlet. A way to share information, thoughts and opinions. A means to meet a global community of talented, intelligent and like-minded people. Inspire and be inspired. Read something funny, deep or exhausting. Experience something new. People showcase their talents, support and encourage each other. Self-published, no editing or editors involved. Proper grammar and spelling are optional and frequently phonetic. Blog awards do not require lengthy acceptance speeches that include long lists of people no one has ever heard of.

Why not?
It's free, but everything is subject to change...