Dear Blogger: Powered By Google, Powered By Bloggers. Part 1.

I thought I should address the recent changes you have made. We need to have a little chat. Please step into my office.

1. I preferred the old word verification system. It created fun, imaginary words that we could comment on. The new verification system requires a thorough knowledge of cryptography, hieroglyphs and the evolutionary benefits of compound eyes. I cannot tell whether I am looking at an "i" with serious stomach cramps or a zombified "8". Nor do I want to squint at images of people's house numbers.
2. I do not have time for this.
3. Neither does anyone else.
4. You have taken the FUN out of commenting, which is how we communicate.
5. The new dashboard is not "streamlined" as you claim. It looks like email dating back to the 80s.
6. I miss my horizontal tabs; they were efficient. Now I have to click 3 times instead of once. Then I forget why I signed in to begin with.
7. This takes the FUN out of procrastinating.
8. Which makes me angry. 
9. Do you know what happens when I get ANGRY????

Jean Paul Sartre

10. I read a book. Made out of paper. With cats.

Google! What Are You Up To?

You have probably already heard that Google +, currently in beta version, is launching soon. Internet rumor has it that blogger will be renamed Googleblog. Try saying that in rapid succession. Googlebleck. Googooboo. George Bob. Huh? Why not.

It would have been nice for them to announce it on...let's see...blogger buzz, perhaps? At least preferable to experiencing blogger meltdown, chasing widgets that disappear and reappear or wasting time troubleshooting while wondering, what did I do now?

Information is sparse, all I am aware of is that private profiles will be deleted on July 31, 2011 or sooner. What does that actually mean for bloggers or readers? Will it affect us? Anyone know? In addition, as of August, Google will no longer support anything but the newest browser versions. If you have not done so already, now would be a good time to update your browsers.

Time, so elusive and hard to find, which is why I chose the allegedly "simple and stable" blogger platform, despite the fact that other platforms have better templates. Time...Wasted time...Remembering that time is infinite, while my time is not....Where was I? Oh, yes.

This will make it easier for targeted marketing to find us. I am well aware that 95% of revenue for our friendly "free" giant comes from advertising.  "Recommended for you" has never worked for me, undoubtedly the next time I stop to look at something that evokes: "Cool. Someone sculpted a detailed reproduction of the Serenity (Firefly)....Out of cake?!," I will be targeted with cupcake recipes and where to buy them.

I thought it would be a good use of my time to start working on my public profile:

Name:     Sigyisfor Kyiirneayrokull (Maybe something with Umlauts, make it sound more Icelandic? I will never remember how to sign in again).
Location: Planet Earth, orbiting a G-Class star. (Just in case extraterrestrials need to advertise as well)
Age:        12 going on 2000.
Household members: Trillions, I am including microscopic lifeforms. Gross underestimate.
Marital Status: Is this a census?
Interests: Swearing at blogger and inanimate objects that suddenly appear in my path.
Likes:       Privacy. I also enjoy breathing.
Dislikes:    Invasion of Privacy. Not breathing.
Occupation: Of space and time. Sometimes it feels territorial.
Goals:      Training cats to stop sleeping on the remote controls. (Spawn does not like to be moved). Getting blogger to align tabs. And world peace.