A Box Can Save Your Sanity

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On occasion, I catch horrifying mistakes in draft:

The measurements of Dr. Doh may have unintended inaccuracies,

as he claims that: "lkkdidimm, f^%$#.. asssssssspft". The parameters

nnnnnnnolllllllllll5677777 do not apply in this particular case.

Lucky overestimates his trajectory and lands on keyboards. Flirt naps on warm hard drives, keyboards and evacuated office chairs. Unlike dogs, cats do not listen to basic commands such as "STAY OFF THE DESK! I MEAN IT!"

In a delayed moment of problem solving, I remember that cardboard boxes are like magnets for cats. There is a palpable excitement among the felines when a new box arrives. If there is a box, there is a cat in it.

Added to my desk: One box. With occupants.

Evolution Video

Evolution, the name applied to the strange creatures that inhabit this world:




A squeaky toy that does not require squeezing and defends itself with cuteness.

Who says Nature does not have a sense of humor?

In Case Of Emergency: Find Your Blanket

An unexpected gift arrived. Someone out there had sent me a random act of kindness. I looked at the unassuming cardboard box, but did not recognize the sender. A company that was likely used to package and ship exotic chocolates, coffee or biscuits. Perhaps a technological gadget?

With childlike abandon and exuberance, I unboxed the contents. I dug through environmentally (un)friendly Styrofoam peanuts to discover....

A BLANKET! A blanket?!!?

Not just any blanket. A gender-neutral plaid fleece blanket, rolled up in its very own space-saving bag. Who would send me such a thoughtful gift of warmth?

There was a generic card extending its gratitude for my patronage sent by my insurance company, The Profiteers.

The subliminal message was clear:

Dear customer,
in appreciation for your loyalty please accept our gift made out of plastic, a byproduct of the oil industry. Speaking of the oil industry, while we no longer cover any acts of Man, we are pleased to inform you that in the event of flooding, loss of electricity or flying debris, you are fully covered. With a blanket.

This multipurpose blanket, when spread out, will likely attract your loved ones and your pets. In case of emergency, simply roll up your cats and sprint for your nearest door or window.

Always thinking of you and your loved ones during these climate challenged times. Please remember that as long as you have your blanket, you are not on your own.

With utmost indifference,
The Profiteers

Communicating With Cats

I used to consider myself a dog person. Then I ended up with cats. That is when the confusion set in.

According to scientific anthropological speculation, dogs are better at reading the facial expressions of humans, because they have a longer history with humanity.  Cats are allegedly more intelligent due to the fact that unlike dogs, who are pack scavengers, cats are lone predators that congregate into colonies when feral.  I have read several articles that wild cats rarely vocalize, while our manipulative domestic companions have learned to.

I speak science, some other languages, but mostly science. I can understand dogs, but the language I fail to master is cat.  This does not stop the self-proclaimed most intelligent species on the planet at attempting to communicate with clever cats on a daily basis.

Among one of my most miserable failures at translating Feline into English was a rescued Siamese, who looked like a grey alien crossbred with a vampire bat and sounded like the dissonant bag pipe of the cat world. According to those that love the breed, the emission of unearthly wails of despair were the Siamese equivalent of "talking" and did not require emergency exorcisms for demonic possession.

Random Siamese kitten. Not a Chihuahua.

My attempts to make first contact with the aliens in my home continue to this day.  They blink, I blink back a reassuring I come in peace. Their incessant meows evoke a conditioned repertoire of routine queries: You want food? Here you go. Not this food? You don't want food? You want to play? Want to chase the string or the ball? Neither? You want to be petted. Patted? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT! Hey, where are you going?

Misunderstood, tail held high, they walk off. Before I question my sanity, I remind myself that many human conversations are equally inconclusive.

Incredible And Innovative Art

Contemporary art can often be repetitive and unimaginative. Smearing gesso and white paint on a canvas (no matter how skillfully applied), and calling it "The Absence of Something #404" is not terribly innovative. Piling rusting "found objects" onto a modern art gallery floor as a "social commentary on our disposable consumerism...blah blah...yawn...blah blah", is a lazy explanation for re-purposing junk into junk, while making curators and wealthy collectors extremely happy.

Sometimes one has to know where to look to discover that contemporary art is far from dead, but thriving not so quietly around the world.

Reminiscent of old natural art history illustrations, artist Victor Stankovic cloned cephalopods with insects and created a new species on paper. His on-line animated GIF version only adds to the charm.

Cephalopodoptera by Vladimir Stankovic

This is Vladimir Stankovic's series Cephalopodoptera.

Engineer and sculptor Jonty Hurwitz created an innovative new approach to what Dali achieved without the aid of modern technology. The sculptures reveal their true shape in a reflective surface.

Frogs Are Endangered by Jonti Hurwitz

More can be found at Jontyhurwitz.com

Artist Liu Bolin provides a truly thought-provoking social commentary of a society, where individuals are invisible. His disappearance act uses painstakingly applied paint only.

By Liu Bolin

More of his photographs can be viewed at Thisiscolossal.com

I will see you in a few hours.

Why We Blog

Two years later I am no longer questioning why I invest time in a blog, but remain grateful to those followers who talked me into it. You know who you are.

At the time that I started this blog, I had some time off and life was going according to a flexible plan.  I had envisioned a humorous informative science blog with well written posts, thoughts on art, society and possibly a few experiments in creative writing. I ended up with a 15 minute posts, lists and cat video blog. Sometimes, I combined all three to save time. How did that happen?

Life had happened. An unexpected avalanche of simultaneous and most enlightening exercises in crises management, some great news, some bad news and some ugly news just to make this thing called life a well-rounded experience. By the time I ended up with the additional displeasure of dealing with call centers, (can't you see that I am really busy with important things?) my world was coming to an end. Actually, that is overly dramatic; call centers are just really really irritating.

 ***

I work in a highly competitive accomplishment driven environment. It suits my personality. I was dissatisfied about the quality and content of this blog, complained about the time decent posts take to produce and thought of abandoning it altogether and going back to commenting.

The blog remained and became a learning experience. Within just a few months I had met similarly-minded people, which would have taken me years to meet in RL even if we lived in the same area. My personal challenge was to retrain my brain to switch from scientific, lengthy and precise writing to short, goofy, colloquial (and that's okay) posts. The blogosphere is incredibly supportive, fellowers show up at their own convenience, people take blogging breaks when RL takes precedence and everyone understands.

Blogging is much more than communicating with geographically dislocated strangers. We can access this medium instantaneously when we need to and have time for.  15 minutes or 3 hours at a time. The only deadlines and goals are self-imposed. Post 3 times a week or bimonthly. Finish those posts in draft...or not. 

The blog is there regardless of where and when we are. There are not too many things in life that offer this much freedom, control and choice.

Reverse Prank Calling

Self-initiated global research has revealed that various providers are selling our information for considerable profit and miniscule fines.

There has been a recent increase in calls from companies that bypass any effort at blocking them. The polite and courteous "No, thank you. We're not interested," stopped working. In an effort to stop repetitive autodialed calls from call centers that are located in time zones other than mine, I was forced to take desperate and very rude measures. It occurred to me that creating barriers to communication might actually result in the desired effect of having a commission based employee give up.  It also proved to be highly entertaining, albeit very juvenile.

Foreign non-existent accent:

Me: Haya?
John: This is John from hotairductcleaning, we would like to...
Me: Noo. No duck.
John: This is hotairductcleaning...
Me: Duck.Duck. Haya?
Rude John: Yeeeah. I know, you have chickens and sheep...
Me: Noo Chickan. Have duck.
John: *click*

Age barrier:

Kevin: Hi, this is Kevin from Wedestroycarpets.
Me: 'kay.
Kevin: We have a special offer to clean your rugs and carpets.
Me: 'kay.
Kevin: Would you like to take advantage of this special offer?
Me: 'kay.
Kevin: We can schedule you on Friday between 2 and 5 in the afternoon.
Me: 'kay.
Kevin: That's great. Thank you for choosing Wedestroycarpets. I can confirm the appointment on...
Me: MooooOOOOM!!!! There's a man who wants to come over when you're not home. He says he wants to touch my...
Kevin: *click*

What?

Mary: This is Mary. You have won a trip to our time-share resort in Puerto Furtivo.
Me: Maaary, love. How are you?
Mary: We would like to congratulate you...
Me: ETHEL!!! Pack your bags. Your sister Mary invited us to Bali for your birthday.
Mary: Uum..No. You won a 3 night stay at the time-share in Puerto Furtivo.
Me: Eeeh? When did you move to Portugal? ETHEEEL! Did you know that Mary moved to Portugal?
Mary: *click*

Several months later: Antares: 3. "John, Kevin and Mary": Silent.
WINNING!