Friday, January 18, 2013

Reverse Prank Calling

Self-initiated global research has revealed that various providers are selling our information for considerable profit and miniscule fines.

There has been a recent increase in calls from companies that bypass any effort at blocking them. The polite and courteous "No, thank you. We're not interested," stopped working. In an effort to stop repetitive autodialed calls from call centers that are located in time zones other than mine, I was forced to take desperate and very rude measures. It occurred to me that creating barriers to communication might actually result in the desired effect of having a commission based employee give up.  It also proved to be highly entertaining, albeit very juvenile.

Foreign non-existent accent:

Me: Haya?
John: This is John from hotairductcleaning, we would like to...
Me: Noo. No duck.
John: This is hotairductcleaning...
Me: Duck.Duck. Haya?
Rude John: Yeeeah. I know, you have chickens and sheep...
Me: Noo Chickan. Have duck.
John: *click*

Age barrier:

Kevin: Hi, this is Kevin from Wedestroycarpets.
Me: 'kay.
Kevin: We have a special offer to clean your rugs and carpets.
Me: 'kay.
Kevin: Would you like to take advantage of this special offer?
Me: 'kay.
Kevin: We can schedule you on Friday between 2 and 5 in the afternoon.
Me: 'kay.
Kevin: That's great. Thank you for choosing Wedestroycarpets. I can confirm the appointment on...
Me: MooooOOOOM!!!! There's a man who wants to come over when you're not home. He says he wants to touch my...
Kevin: *click*

What?

Mary: This is Mary. You have won a trip to our time-share resort in Puerto Furtivo.
Me: Maaary, love. How are you?
Mary: We would like to congratulate you...
Me: ETHEL!!! Pack your bags. Your sister Mary invited us to Bali for your birthday.
Mary: Uum..No. You won a 3 night stay at the time-share in Puerto Furtivo.
Me: Eeeh? When did you move to Portugal? ETHEEEL! Did you know that Mary moved to Portugal?
Mary: *click*

Several months later: Antares: 3. "John, Kevin and Mary": Silent.
WINNING!

16 comments:

  1. This makes me wish bothersome telephone solicitors called homes here more often, so I could come up with my own.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No. I would not wish this on anyone. It takes considerable effort to push me to be rude. When they started calling at midnight...it was on!

      Delete
    2. For me, on the other hand, being rude takes very little effort whatsoever.

      Or, at least, so I've been told.

      Delete
  2. I am soooooo gonna try those.
    Noo chickan. Duck.
    Priceless!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So far, it seems to have taken us off the list.
      :)

      Delete
  3. Ok, I get the message, I'll stop calling ...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Win. Ning is right! Another idea? Duck rhymes with....

    ReplyDelete
  5. I needed to laugh today. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @dbs, Muck? Puck? Suck?
      @Meg, you're welcome.;)

      Delete
  6. Hah, I like Mary and her "Uum No". I wish she'd carried on correcting you. Must have got spooked when you mentioned Portugal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Gorilla, either that or she realized that I was extremely hard of hearing and at least 250 years old.

      Delete
  7. You sir, win several internet points and my respect!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Jon, thank you.
      Internet points? That sounds so much better than "like" and G circles.;)
      We should create an internet points award...

      Delete
  8. We are on the no-call list but we still get these ones:

    Asian accented person: hello I am ringing about a problem we have detected on your computer...

    woe to THIS person who gets my I.T Husband on the other line. He then tries to sell them 15 computers... I think it's now rubbed off onto me..

    My response: that's complete bulls**t. Why don't you go get a real job instead of scamming people you scumbag. *click*

    we hates scammers :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah. I think that list is a top seller.

      We have gotten that one as well. Gobalization and outsourcing awesomeness.

      lol.

      Delete

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