Thursday, February 14, 2013

In Case Of Emergency: Find Your Blanket

An unexpected gift arrived. Someone out there had sent me a random act of kindness. I looked at the unassuming cardboard box, but did not recognize the sender. A company that was likely used to package and ship exotic chocolates, coffee or biscuits. Perhaps a technological gadget?

With childlike abandon and exuberance, I unboxed the contents. I dug through environmentally (un)friendly Styrofoam peanuts to discover....

A BLANKET! A blanket?!!?

Not just any blanket. A gender-neutral plaid fleece blanket, rolled up in its very own space-saving bag. Who would send me such a thoughtful gift of warmth?

There was a generic card extending its gratitude for my patronage sent by my insurance company, The Profiteers.

The subliminal message was clear:

Dear customer,
in appreciation for your loyalty please accept our gift made out of plastic, a byproduct of the oil industry. Speaking of the oil industry, while we no longer cover any acts of Man, we are pleased to inform you that in the event of flooding, loss of electricity or flying debris, you are fully covered. With a blanket.

This multipurpose blanket, when spread out, will likely attract your loved ones and your pets. In case of emergency, simply roll up your cats and sprint for your nearest door or window.

Always thinking of you and your loved ones during these climate challenged times. Please remember that as long as you have your blanket, you are not on your own.

With utmost indifference,
The Profiteers

14 comments:

  1. That says it all.

    Rollover and die sucker! We aint covering for nuthin any more!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeeeeehaw, that's how we roll in the wild west. Out here only the strong survive. With a blanket.

      Delete
  2. How very, um, bizarre... Really? This is really what they are doing with their customers money? To let them know they are reducing the coverage you pay them for? SMH.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Megs, I believe they ran out of cheap pens and crappy clocks.
      Or they got a really good deal on blankets.;)

      Delete
  3. "...roll up your cats"... BOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :)
      Good luck getting Moby into a carrier, unlike Maru...lol.

      Delete
  4. It is always comforting to have a blanky.

    ReplyDelete
  5. How... sweet? On the bright side, all I ever got from my insurance company was a con-artist agent who insisted on collecting the monthly premiums personally so he could pocket it for himself. In his defense, he needed money to buy his new car.

    And he came to me to apply for the loan.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seriously? I didn't think it could get worse...wait that's kind of what they are doing here.

      Delete
  6. Does Linus know that someone sent you his blanket?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Al, I truly hope it's not Linus' blanket.
      Don't know where that's been.

      Delete
  7. Maybe they thought you were Linus. You must be a loyal and valued customer of theirs. I suggest you change to a different insurer at the next renewal date to give them a reality check.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gorilla, I'd probably get a different blanket and the same service. They all seem to be cooperating these days.

      Delete

I get paid in com(pli)ments.
Comment, Discuss or Foruminate.
Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.