Unbreaking The News

The Dystopian Times February 2212 Edition
Breaking News:

Another Outbreak of Mass-Panic
"We wanted to keep people in a healthy state of fear, but we are still adjusting doses of the government issued Perplexor TM,"  explained Brian vonNut, PharmCity official.
Read less here.

Escalation of the Bean Wars
The State of New Cucumber has declared war on Mesopotamia in an effort to find the last coffee bean on earth.

Healthy People Under Attack 
Pro-aging groups are demonstrating for their fundamental right to experience illness. 

Other News
Construction of the DeathStar has ceased due to budget cuts.

Owner of Chihuapoodle reunited with her beloved pooch after 80 years. "I have no idea how he got into the cryogenic chamber," stated relieved 182 year old Ethel Bimbrack.

Senator Bombastic still denies climate change as he paddles to work.

LaLa, the world's most successful singer recently released her new album "Humming just one note for 61 months".

Science News
Startled scientists discover that the Andromeda galaxy will collide with the Milky Way much faster than previously calculated. Possibly. In 3 billion years. Or so. Give or take 1 billion years. Maybe.

The Antares Teleportation Agency

At the Antares Teleportation Agency we seek to provide excellent customer service to anyone who needs to get somewhere instantaneously.

Late for work? Need a vacation but cannot take time off? Dissatisfied with poor spaceline travel, long wait times at spaceports and cancelled flights due to space storms? Has your luggage been sent to a different galaxy, yet again? Have you returned with an extraterrestrial parasite? Has the FTL drive malfunctioned and your grandchild returns older than you?

Then welcome to the Antares Teleportation Agency. We use star-powered teleportation units to disintegrate you at your original location of origin and reassemble your molecular information at your destination of choice. Imagine the possibilities that we offer:

You could be here for your lunch hour:

Rainforest Botanical Garden, Brazil

Explore ancient ruins during a day trip and return to your own bed at night:

Ta Prohm Temple, Cambodia

Unique adventure destinations for those "extra-special" people in your life are also available upon request.

Special discount rates apply to teleportation commuters.

Why wait? Life is infinite, teleportation is instant.

We accept payment by thought, DNA patent and local planet currency.

Three Second Story

Saw this challenge of writing a three sentence story at dbs, who created an ominous but engaging piece of writing in three sentences. Thought I should give it a go:

Man ponders bridge.
Man crosses bridge.
Man gets to other side.

Your turn.

When Animals Talk Funny.

I suppose when nature gives you quills that embed themselves in flesh, you can startle off predators with THE VOICE:




I had to check as I initially assumed this was fake, apparently they really do sound like they have inhaled helium or are auditioning for a cartoon.

There Is Something Wonderful About Blogging

Several posts about social media were supposed to precede this one. Then life happened. In hindsight, if I could have predicted certain events, 2011 would have been one of the worst years to start a blog. A year later, I am somewhat surprised that this blog is still here.

Blogs are (as we all know) time-consuming. Everyone blogs for their own personal reasons, I can only write about my own experience as a "hobby blogger". Blogging does not offer the same relaxation or benefits that some of my other hobbies or passions do. In my case, painting, reading and writing. They are mostly solitary activities and are not intended to be shared. I do not sketch or write into my journals thinking about submission or publication. They simply offer a diversion and the enjoyment of creating something for myself.

Blogging is different. It is meant to be shared. Publicly.

Blogging was not on my list of "things to do". It seemed like a huge waste of time; I am not promoting anything, I was not looking for on-line friends nor am I one of the digital natives, who is willing to trade privacy for social media.

I was aware of the stats related to compensation through blogging. Less than 10% of bloggers earn any remotely significant revenue through their blogs. An even smaller percentage are able to rely on blogging for their full-time income and those are usually tech bloggers. The only way I was going to join the blogosphere (beyond commenting) is to treat it as a new hobby and have fun.

Personally, the most challenging part was that the posts that I had planned to write took too much time and I had to get used to the idea that I was publishing unfinished and unedited posts. In the absence of time, I frequently thought of returning to commenting, but instead posted cat videos. *Ahem*. No one told me blogging was going to be addictive.

I think that it goes beyond having fun and reading shared experiences. I have heard the term "social evolution" being applied to our new digital age.  We are communicating across all boundaries, forming friendships with people whom we will probably never meet, but that are no less genuine. (For a recent post on virtual friendships see Vinny C.) This particular aspect of social media breaks all demographic barriers.

Our backgrounds, place of origin, age-groups, gender and/or level of education are virtually irrelevant. It is our thoughts, opinions and writing that matter. Within moments any of us is in the company of writers, thinkers, artists, poets, scientists, humorists etc. as suits our needs and schedules. There is an unspoken mutual respect for acknowledging individual copyright or ideas. In this particular community, I have yet to encounter the lack of tolerance for diverging opinions that I sometimes come across in other social media platforms. If this is social evolution, I want to be an active participant.

Thank you for visiting. Nice to meet you all.
And zere ya go.

Eulogy For Spawn. The Cat Who Did Not Like To Be Touched.

Source: Wikipedia

Spawn was one of Terry's gifts. His history was unknown, except for the fact that he was too aggressive to remain in adoption for long and had been returned to the rescue group.

We speculated that he was likely a purebred Maine Coon that had failed to meet the personality expectations associated with the breed. Spawn was the most beautiful cat that I have ever owned or was owned by. He was black, long-haired, lion-maned, big with large tufted paws and green predatory eyes. He somehow managed to make any posture look regal.

Unfortunately his beauty was only fur-deep. He was deceptively friendly, would greet everyone, invite being petted by rubbing against legs, hands and heads, until he would deliver one of his bone-scraping bites. The predictably unpredictable sequence of events was nudge, pet me, purr, *CHOMP*...Emergency room. Repeat. New visitors, drawn to his beauty, would be met at the door by a stern and well-rehearsed: "don't touch him, he bites". I felt an odd sense of camaraderie when I discovered that the writer and artist Neil Gaiman was dealing with similar feline issues. 

For a while I considered Spawn my animal whispering failure. The biting did not stop. His idea of playing with the other cats was to chase them off his favorite furniture, then ignore them. His other hobby was stealing and shredding their toys.

He liked human company and he would always join us on the couch to sleep through a movie. It took some time for me to realize that while I was trying to socialize and train him, Spawn was asserting his own personality and training me. What he was clearly trying to tell me was:

"Alright, human. Here's the deal. My ancestors used to set sail with the Vikings, hence the water-resistant fur. Notice the big paws? They were made for walking on the snow. Got some Siberian from my mother's side.
All this incessant absent-minded stroking of fur is aggravating. Try it on the bimbo calico in the next room. She lives for that sissy stuff.
When I roll on my back, it is because I am happy or hungry. It is not an invitation to rub my belly. How would you like that?
Yeeahh. Didn't think so.
Gotta stay in shape though; you throw a ball, I'll fetch it for ya'.
There's a squirrel that needs my attention. You're dismissed."

I shall miss my majestic untouchable beast.

If Cats Ruled The World

We would live in colonies without hierarchy.

There would be no wars. Only the occasional posturing, hissing and growling.

Our mothers would teach us to play with our food.

The Olympics would include: Short-distance rolling, endurance napping and target grooming.

There would be no catnip doping scandal.

The government would offer cuddling rebates for energy efficiency during the winter.

Everyone would be responsible for their own waste disposal: Don't forget to dig, deposit and cover.

Vacuum cleaners would be banned due to noise pollution.

China would manufacture high quality bottle caps, string and other battable objects. 

['battable': See Revised Cat Dictionary]

We would get to play with new kittens several times a year for early human training, behavioral conditioning and educational purposes.

I have to go. My master just purred my name.