Saturday, January 14, 2012

If Cats Ruled The World




We would live in colonies without hierarchy.
There would be no wars. Only the occasional posturing, hissing and growling.

Our mothers would teach us to play with our food.

The Olympics would include: Short-distance rolling, endurance napping and target grooming.
There would be no catnip doping scandal.

The government would offer cuddling rebates for energy efficiency during the winter.
Everyone would be responsible for their own waste disposal: Don't forget to dig, deposit and cover.
Vacuum cleaners would be banned due to noise pollution.
China would manufacture high quality bottle caps, string and other battable objects. 
['battable': See Revised Cat Dictionary]

We would get to play with new kittens several times a year for early human training, behavioral conditioning and educational purposes.

I have to go. My master just purred my name.


18 comments:

  1. Wonderful notion, but cats can be a tad tyrannical. I should know I have three of them.

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  2. Are you going to employ Sophie breeding cat hats? I wouldn't mind one. It has delightful ears, too.

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  3. And clean. The world would be so clean! Fun post.

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  4. 4,000 years ago cats were worshipped as Gods.

    My cat believes this should never have changed.

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  5. @Elisabeth, aren't we all from time to time.
    And yet you have them.;)

    @Penelope, my household has rencently developed a sudden "need" for a Sophie cat with tufted ears.

    @Barb, good point! It would be, except for all the toys strewn about.

    @Alistair, my dear, dear friend,
    your cat KNOWS that it hasn't.

    :)

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  6. @Penelope
    rencently? How is n anywhere near the c on a keyboard?
    Can't blame a cat this time.

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  7. I'd have to clean out my litter box with a shovel

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  8. Sophie has the longest ear fur I have ever seen! what a cutie.


    Ant, it's Dig, deposit, cover, sniff, cover some more, sniff, done.

    I want to live in cat world...

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  9. Is it just me or doesn't it look like Sophie is doing some kind of cat-mind control technique?

    "Use d Google & find pictures of mice, human! You must obey!"

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  10. Did you know that an anagram for housecat is "ah so cute"?

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  11. @Laoch, agreed.
    Might comes in small packages.

    @Al, LOL.
    Presumably that is why your family has set your ceramic litter outdoors?

    @Sprite, I know they are comical, like a muppetcat.;)

    You have never lived with dig all litter out of the box. Repeat. Meow. Sigh.
    Yeah.

    @Vinny, they are manipulative so you may have discovered a conspiracy.

    *whispers* There is a cat on my head, isn't there?

    @dbs, I did not.
    Things are starting to fall into place.

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  12. What a great cat. I agree, cats would make us all less testing and I like the idea of playing with my food.

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  13. Ha! Wouldn't we all be so much happier? And richer--cuddling rebates!

    This made me smile, Antares. Very sweet and funny. :)

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  14. Lately, I've really wanted to get a cat. We can't as my daughter is severely allergic. It's hard to volunteer at the shelter and not want to take a couple home.

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  15. @Nubian, agreed. Must be their special ability to lower blood pressure.

    @Jayne, probably. Think it should be mandatory to have a pet.;)
    Judging by their keyboard skills, grammar would be banned too.

    @Meg,that would be great. There are breeds (Devon Rex) that don't cause allergies, but it depends how bad her allergies are.

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  16. Everyone comments as though cats didn't already rule the world.

    The only thing that keeps us necessary is opposable thumbs.

    Sophie was obviously checking her PetSmart account.

    At present all of my four feline masters are using the litter box as a portal to China. Either that or they've watched "Journey to the Center of the Earth" one too many times. Note to self: cancel their Netflix membership.

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  17. @Lord Wellbourne, I can certainly attest to the fact that they do rule their human slaves in the most manipulative way possible.
    We have two masters that have very busy schedules.

    Ha,ha,ha, I am very familiar with what you are describing. I am currently listening to the hectic soundtrack of mining for gold.

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