Friday, February 17, 2012

The Antares Teleportation Agency

At the Antares Teleportation Agency we seek to provide excellent customer service to anyone who needs to get somewhere instantaneously.

Late for work? Need a vacation but cannot take time off? Dissatisfied with poor spaceline travel, long wait times at spaceports and cancelled flights due to space storms? Has your luggage been sent to a different galaxy, yet again? Have you returned with an extraterrestrial parasite? Has the FTL drive malfunctioned and your grandchild returns older than you?

Then welcome to the Antares Teleportation Agency. We use star-powered teleportation units to disintegrate you at your original location of origin and reassemble your molecular information at your destination of choice. Imagine the possibilities that we offer:

You could be here for your lunch hour:

Rainforest Botanical Garden, Brazil

Explore ancient ruins during a day trip and return to your own bed at night:

Ta Prohm Temple, Cambodia

Unique adventure destinations for those "extra-special" people in your life are also available upon request.



Special discount rates apply to teleportation commuters.

Why wait? Life is infinite, teleportation is instant.
We accept payment by thought, DNA patent and local planet currency.

26 comments:

  1. I know a few "extra-special" people who deserve a trip to the last one.

    *smiles & imagines senior editor in volcano*

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  2. I already have one of these Ant.. I just wave my wand!

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  3. You don't know how often I wish this really worked. And I'm with Vinny, I know a couple of people I'd send with a one way ticket to choice #3.

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  4. Religious nuts would have a collective fit if this technology ever came to fruition. But, yeah, I would love it! :)

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  5. It's about time this technology came along. I AM tired of my luggage going to different galaxies...

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  6. Sign me up right now. I want to visit Tokyo. And the payment by thought option makes it affordable. My mind is overflowing.

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  7. @Vinny, an active imagination is a wonderful thing.

    *smiles back*

    @Sprite, can I borrow it?

    @Meg, imagine living on a private island, teleporting to work,...it be nicer if they came back with lesson learned.

    @David, we could find them a planet to live on.;). Sadly, it will likely never happen, hypothetically the energy requirements would be too large.

    @Paul, hey, dude, you're back!
    They send you to the wrong galaxy too?

    @Brett, welcome to Antares Teleportation Agency. Your thought payment has been received. Have a wonderful time in Tokyo.

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  8. @Meg, "it would be nicer". Stupid typo.

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  9. Did you get my thought payment?

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  10. I worry that in running me through the teleportation machine, the measurement process will likely destroy the only good copy of me, without obtaining the required information to rebuild Laoch anew.

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  11. @dbs, thought payment received although we are unclear on the destination. Multiple copies being sent out.

    @Laoch, hypothetically speaking, I have the same concerns. The idea of being destroyed in one place and ending up with my spleen on my forehead is not terribly appealing.

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  12. Any time :)
    Multiple copies of Dbs? Send one to Australia pweese!!

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  13. Dear AC - for once you may have too much time on your hands - but I like it!!!

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  14. One Dbs delivered to the beach. Please pick up.

    @Alistair, one can never have too much time. Teleportation on the other hand...

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  15. The last pic reminded me of my previous marriage. Now how do I sign up for this again? Type slowly okay?

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  16. "Type slowly", love it.
    One ex teleported for life lesson.

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  17. YEE!! I've got me my very own Dbs.. Sprite is happy :) now all I need is a cloned Ant.. :)

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  18. This is especially good when I look out on my swampy backyard. Which is liberally sprinkled by little mounds of canine calling cards.

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  19. @Sprite, one grackled Vinny and one goofy Ant delivered. Side-effects are temporary.

    @Al, your wife contacted us; as soon as you pick those up, we are permitted to teleport you.

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  20. I have a recollection that the first Star Trek series came up with the Teleporter concept because it solved the problem of production costs and technical issues with having the crew move between the star ship and planet surfaces.

    You can teleport today, though... all you need do is create your avatar in Second Life.

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  21. and now my collection is complete... *she says in Darth Vader voice*
    No idea why....

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  22. I have a very extra special person for you to teleport. Any chance of losing them on the way?

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  23. @Robert, very true, they had a miniscule budget and used salt shakers for their tricorders.
    If I ever get around to writing the posts I had originally planned, there has been research into teleportation at the hypothetical level. It's quite fascinating and impossible.

    I don't play it, but daydream about living on a private self-sufficient island, whilst teleporting to work. Sigh.

    @Sprite, *gulp* what are you doing with our clones?

    Dear Friko, welcome.
    At the Antares Teleportation Agency we have had considerable success letting people know who sent them there after we bring them back.

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  24. I'm keeping them. :) Nothing scary :)

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  25. Yes, Cambodia, please! As soon as you get this worked out, please let me know.

    Also? Angels cry when Kat has to enter Captchas. ;_; It's why she's comment light when busy.

    PPS-I write for tasteslikecomics.com thanks for asking. =)

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  26. Kat, have you seen my posts lately?! Does it look like I have time to wrangle blogger into submission?

    I'll get to it eventually.

    Cool. I'll check it out.

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