Thursday, June 16, 2011

Birds. Shut The FRAK Up!...Please.

I am tired. Why am I tired? Allow me to enlighten you.

My readers should be made aware that I have been rescuing birds and other wildlife ever since I have been capable of picking them up.

The universe has recently shown its deep appreciation for my life-giving rescue efforts by gifting me a nesting pair of birds, which have displayed their gratitude and trust by choosing the tree outside of our bedroom window as their precious new real estate.  I am usually delighted by the operatic performance of songbirds and birds in general, but there is something wrong with this pair. 

I suspect, given the fact that I am unable to identify them, that they may be illegal migrants.  They do not behave like the other birds.  For one thing they get up in what is presumably their own time zone; 3:42 am to be precise.  Initially, I thought they are just jet-lagged, but it is quite obvious that they do not comply with local cultural standards of birdness.

Their morning wake up call is neither song nor sound, but high-pitched, supersonic noise that breaks the sound barrier, as well as my nerves of steel.  This noise has turned me into a self-absorbed and cranky narcoleptic.  According to eyewitness reports, at precisely 3:43 am, my still unconscious mind has been offering my professional credentials to no one in particular or yelling any of the following into a dead cell phone: "Who died?", "GET EVERYONE INTO THE ESCAPE POD!" or "Where is my Mango?"

Approximately 15 minutes later, the witness alleges, neighbors are then woken out of their slumber by someone shouting: "STOP IT!!!! For Frak's sake!" at a tree.

Dear Mutant Birds,
Please kick your fledgling brood out of the nest,
teach them how to fly,
and SHUT THE FRAK UP!

21 comments:

  1. My guess is that they would like to listen to a different radio station.

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  2. Hey, give 'em a break. They're just willing to sing songs that American birds aren't.

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  3. So... You like the grackles I sent your way?

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  4. HA 'frak' hee hee

    Watching all episodes of Battlestar and that is what they constantly say, them and the peeps in Utah.

    We have Ravens outside making a noise, you want me to send them your way?

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  5. Birds, while hilarious (that no-arm thing really gets me), are annoying little creatures.

    And ":-)" to Al. That was funny.

    Pearl

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  6. Once more with coffeeeeeeeeeeeee:

    @Laoch, :), you want them? They appear to be nocturnal.;)

    @Al, lol. Inappropriately funny. Strong work ethic or nightshifters?

    Pick up your emoticon from Pearl.

    @VinnyC, the answer is still no.
    Dude, you don't understand. For the last week I should have gone to sleep by 19:00 hours just so I can get up with the B.I.R.D.S.

    @Nubian, after 4 seasons it stuck with me, I can say it in public without worrying. Too much.

    Will the Ravens relocate them?

    @Pearl, I usually like them. Usually.
    They can fly. Away. From my REM sleep.

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  7. Heeheehee. My husband's solution: white noise. Fan and sound machine on all night until the alarm goes off--which I'm surprised he can hear.
    I don't know what's worse, the birds or the white noise. ;/

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  8. @Jayne, :)I've tried white noise. The unnatural shriek is so sudden: "We're up and so are you!" that it still wakes me.
    I'm hoping that they don't fall into the doesn't grow feathers for two months category.

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  9. Just you wait, they are going to be teenagers before they leave the nest. And you know how much noise teenagers make... BUWAHAHAHAHAAA!!!

    Meanwhile, I have my cute little Wrens here that get up in the morning at the NORMAL human time.

    ;)

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  10. @Sprite, gaah, I know! It already sounds like they had quintuplets.

    Wrens, why can't I have some wrens? Whatever is incubating in that nest does not sound normal...

    hey maybe they're confused Aussies, timewise...;)

    NOICE!

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  11. Maybe more, the birdy version of the OctoMum... hehe!

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  12. *laughing at what Sprite said*

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  13. Living on this island, we have tons of free roaming chickens. After a year, I barely notice the crowing roosters at daybreak anymore...

    Now, if someone could tell me how to keep the stray cats off my car during the night, I'd be really grateful.

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  14. We once lived in a suburban neighborhood where someone had a rooster. THAT is loud, and unwelcomed in the wee hours of the morning. I checked the city ordinances, turns out it is legal to have chickens in the city limits, but only a few. In this case, it only took one to become a nuisance.

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  15. I'm sorry about this guy. Hope they shut up soon. :)

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  16. @dbs, ;/ octobirds?

    @Meg, yikes, yeah I suppose one gets used to everything.
    I take it you're not enjoying the Cats musical?;)

    @Robert, I suppose most of us have long forgotten to go to sleep at dusk, thanks to electricity. A friend of mine still tells a hilarious story about a wayward peacock, that's in the TOO LOUD category as well.

    @Paul, thanks man, appreciate the support. It is such an insignificant thing, but can't keep my eyes open the following day.
    Good thing it's Friday, don't have to worry about when I sleep tomorrow.

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  18. I love cats. I'd have one if my daughter weren't severely allergic. Just not on my new car. There are footprints on it almost every morning and they've already scratched the side of it in what must have been an attempt to keep themselves from falling when jumping up onto the hood. Debating moth ball because I don't know what else to try.

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  19. @Meg, I like them too. Strange that they picked your car. Try lemons, most hate the scent.

    Although you might attract critters that enjoy lemons. Wouldn't use mothballs, pretty toxic.

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  20. That is so funny but not for you. When we lived in Belize, there was a bird that woke us up every morning sounding like a tea kettle. My husband said it must have learned the habit from the colonial days when the British lived there.

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  21. @Gutsy living, sigh, yes:)
    LOL. One wonders what they picked up. Meanwhile, I wonder how people sleep in the rainforest, quite loud.

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