Sunday, October 2, 2011
Just When I Thought That Customer Service Could Not Get Any Worse, I Realize That I Was Naive.
We have all dealt with those mind-numbing situations that require the assistance of someone who is very courteous, yet spectacularly obtuse, because the thing [and it is a thing, one can insert anything into this space] we are paying for or have paid for is not in compliance with its purpose, ceased to function, kicked the bucket or simply put is broken.
Not only can it no longer be repaired, but as a valued customer you are expected to repair it yourself or haul the thing into the Distribution Deposit Decomposition Center, conveniently located in a different country. Alternatively, one is expected to pay for the replacement of the thing, because the repair person who has recently attempted aforementioned repair managed to destroy it beyond all recognition.
One is then asked to abandon reason, dignity and hope by contacting "customer service":
"Hello, someone was here to repair the thing and it is not working."
"The report from the tech says that the repair was completed."
"Unfortunately, it was not. The thing is not working. Could you send someone else?"
"The report says that the repair has been completed. Did you turn it on?"
You want me to do what? Turn it on?
At this point I realize that persistence is futile. Time for escalation.
"Can I speak to your manager?"
"There is no manager here."
"You do not have a manager? Could you transfer me to the office?"
"There is no office."
While waiting for the disclosure that I am an involuntary participant of a new reality show called "punk your customer" or a test subject, I re-examine the purpose of my existence, the passage of time and my life and ultimately decide that this is not the hill I want to die on.
"Ms. Wasteoftime, this was most enlightening, but I have to go since my cat Spawn is performing his annual poetry recital. He bites those who are late."
For 10 minutes of sheer wish fulfillment, I highly recommend that you watch the most elaborate prank pulled on a call center here